Complications
by BigMamaKat
Summary: Kylie has had a lot of challenges in her life but she's persevered through them all, not entirely unscathed. Arriving at Atlantis she's met with a challenge she desperately wants to give in to... But will she risk it all and take the plunge or will she turn her back on Ronon Dex as she has to countless before him? Rated M for language and sex. Ronon/OC
1. Chapter 1

**I've always enjoyed writing as a form of art and expression. With this story I have a different motivation... a little bit of self therapy. I've been going through a lot lately in my personal life, much of it stemming from my psoriasis (an auto immune disease mostly showed by plaques on the skin - putting it very very simply). I am doing something I have never done before with my writing and placing my serious struggles out there in hopes that it'll alleviate some of the emotional crap that it builds up. It has also made it one of the most difficult stories I have ever tried to write. For this reason, if it seems choppy/unbalanced/a bit out of the Stargate universe at times... please bare with me. Thank you!**

Kylie never felt so idiotic before in her entire life. It was actually physically draining, feeling so utterly stupid. Lorne, one of the military men Kylie had recently been assigned to, was giving her a few pointers to improve her hand to hand combat. Having dabbled in boxing and been in more than a few street fights she was usually able to hold her own. Against non military, that is. Lorne being a very capable militant she had to put all her energy into focusing. Unfortunately for her, her energy and focus was too wrapped up in feeling like a total moron.

She was losing stamina and will quite quickly so Lorne, being the good guy that he is, cut her a break and called it a day before she could. As Lorne left the gym, Kylie trudged over to the punching bag hanging in the corner. Alone for what felt like the first time in a month she tried to block out her thoughts and focus on a proper form as she laid punch after punch. Try as she might she couldn't stop the rush that broke through her mind. The more she lost control of her thoughts the harder her punches became, form be damned, and the louder the echo and shake of the bag.

BAM the bag echoed a blast of bitterness through the gym.

BAM echoed a hollow hit from self pity.

BAM the bag swallowed the heavy thud of anger.

A loud SMACK and rage finished her off as she round house kicked the bag, the chain rattling as it bent and twisted.

Breathing heavy, eyes screwed shut, head resting against it's roughly taped exterior, Kylie held onto the bag as if it were the only thing in the world holding her up.

"I thought you spiritual types were supposed to be all peaceful." Ronon's voice cut the silence making Kylie jump and let out a curt yell. "Sorry." He smirked when she threw a hand over her heart and laughed.

"You scared the shit out of me! Damn, Ronon.. How long were you there?"

He shrugged. "Lorne."

"I'm human. Being a spiritual counselor doesn't mean I'm perfect, it means I have insight."

"What exactly do you have insight on? You've been here a month, nobody really knows why you're here. You aren't exactly an asset in a fight. What do you do here?"

"Fuck off, Ronon." Kylie snapped, and it was obvious from Ronon's expression that he thought she wasn't one to speak up. Not that he'd ever bothered to find out before. "I grew up in a comfortable way. Never starved, never went without a roof over my head, never had to fight for my life because I've never met a single person that actually wanted to kill me. In fact, nobody even noticed me. If you approached me with actual interest instead of waiting a month trying to decipher my threat level before giving up and giving me the third degree, I would have gladly told you why I do what I do." She stared him down until he shrugged and turned to leave without a word. She sighed and shut her eyes, not really knowing why she was saying what came next.

"But why I'm here… I was _told_ that they opened a position for a non denominational spiritual counselor out of necessity. They said there were so many personnel of different faith and so many coming from other worlds that having one would help people settle in better. Not everyone responds to psychiatric counseling. I was told I specifically was being given the opportunity because I'm a family friend of a family friend of Colonel O'Neill and we'd met on several occasions." She started laughing depreciatively through her words. "Turns out it was all bullshit. Apparently Jack nabbed some Ancient tech from Stargate command and he forgot to put it away before we had all gone over for a barbeque. And apparently this thing responded to my touch, meaning I got the oh so popular Ancient gene. And, also, since the inoculation only works about 47% of the time they're trying to _collect_ as many of us in Atlantis in case shit hits the fan and we need to power all of the big guns." Kylie turned and looked Ronon in the eye with a weary disappointed stare. "I was a fool, Ronon. I bought everything they told me, no question. I thought I had a place here but most of these people haven't even acknowledged my existence. Weir assigns people to see me time to time but they don't actually pay attention to me. People here are either military and think I'm a joke or they're scientists and think science begins and ends with equations. My only place here is to be _Plan B_ … Not even plan B! I'm _Plan C_! I'm… I… Well, you wanted to know and you got an earful. At least now you know I'm just a fool and not a threat, if that answers your question at all." Kylie looked down at her hands and gingerly dabbed at the torn flesh with a damp cloth. She refused to look at Ronon through the heavy silence as he seemed to consider her words.

"Wrap your hands next time." Was all he said before walking out the door, leaving Kylie to clean her ragged looking knuckles.

The following week seemed to get better in leaps and bounds. Kylie was entirely certain she should be thankful to Ronon for it. It seemed his endorsement (or in some cases, his _insistence_ ) was thought of rather highly. Whereas before Weir would occasionally say hello, debrief her on a situation, or assign a member of the staff to her counsel, this last week changed it all. They had a lunch or two together, she was asked her opinion on personnel issues inside Atlantis, and Weir even encouraged her to host her own yoga classes in the gym (though only a hesitant few showed up).

It wasn't until well into her second month that she found her stride in Atlantis. It was then Kylie realized no matter how out of place she still felt she could never just pick up and leave.

It was late in the evening and what was left of an off world team had come back ahead of schedule. Out of the six that had left only two came back, gasping for breath and clawing at their throats, their eyes blood shot, purple veins creeping across their faces. They were put into quarantine immediately and given the diagnosis of severe poisoning from some air born toxin. It seemed the planet released it from the plants as soon as a storm began to rage. The four others that had been running behind them choked before they could make it to the stargate.

"It seems the toxin is fast acting. The others aspirated due to the sudden lack of oxygen in the atmosphere. If you had been any further from the gate you would have, as well. Unfortunately…" Beckett sighed and offered a sympathetic look. "The toxins damage is irreversible. I don't know how much time is left but… it isn't long. I'll give you a moment to yourselves."

It didn't take long for one of the men to ask for Kylie to be brought to the infirmary. She quickly steeled herself, hiding how petrified she was about not knowing what to say.

"I'm.. I've never… I don't hold much stock in religion. I've never thought too much about death, just accepted it's part of the job. But now it's here…" Wilson, a recent transfer from Earth of twenty-three years old, coughed as his vision blurred with unshed tears. "I'm scared."

"I'm here." Kylie gently took his hand in hers. "I'll let you in on a secret, Wilson. I prefer my spiritual with a heavy dose of science. You're a botanist, aren't you? A scientist?" Wilson nodded weakly and she smiled as she continued. "Plants aren't the only beings connected to one another by electrical impulses. Your body is run through electrical impulse, everything that makes you who you are is firing around in that head of yours. That kind of electricity doesn't disappear because the circuit quits. Just like those plants, your power will stretch everywhere around you. How else do you think the Ancients worked through ascension?" Wilson's eyes went wide and his lips twitched into an almost smile. "They trained themselves to control that final expansion of that electrical impulse."

Wilson gripped her hand as tight as he could, Kylie forcing a calm smile as she felt the strength leaving his hand. Coughs became more frequent.

"You don't have to be scared, Wilson. Just like any other power there will be warmth and light." Wilson struggled to keep his eyes open as they grew heavy. "It's okay to sleep now, love. You'll have so much to discover. With that brilliant mind of yours…" Wilson's hand fell limp in her grasp. "You'll go so far.."

Kylie left a kiss on his hand and turned to get Bennett when a barrage of coughs came from a few beds over. Geoffrey lay in his bed, his aged face looking haggard and fierce.

"Lady, I have been serving for over half my life and that was one of the most bullshit things I have ever heard."

"Wilson is… was an academic. He needed a way to relate to his passing."

"So you spewed a bunch of crap to make him feel better. Or do you actually believe all that?"

"I believe every word of it. I also believe in your white pearly gates and loving embrace of Heaven. I believe it's all the same place, we just all have our own interpretations of how we get there and what it looks like."

Kylie noticed how Geoffrey's grip tightened on the small bible that lay beside him. She noticed how his eyes hardened with every cough he forced back.

"May I sit with you, sir?" Without waiting for a response she sat on the empty stool beside his bed, careful not to touch him as she had Wilson but instead keep her stool as close as possible. The silence was broken only by Geoffrey's growing coughing fits.

"He… Wilson was a good man." He wheezed between words as his eyes began to droop.

"So are you, Geoffrey."

"Lucy Liu."

"Oooh, hot! Very nice." Kylie declared as she poured another round of drinks for the threesome sitting on a scarcely frequented balcony, basking in the warmth of the sunset.

It had been mere hours since Kylie had sat with the two men in the infirmary but the buzzing in her body put a much larger space between them than that. Not knowing what to do she had fetched Beckett to make the declaration of death official. The doctor left the nurses to clean and move the bodies. Kylie, still feeling like she should be doing more for the two men, stayed and helped the nurses with their duties. It didn't take long for Kylie to mention she could use some help with a twenty year old bottle of whiskey, of which they gladly offered their assistance.

"I don't know," slurred Jennifer. "Isn't she a bit bitchy?"

"Whaaaat?" Kylie and Brian had asked at once.

"She plays some bad ass ice queen type characters, sure." Continued Brian. "But she's really funny. And really hot. I stand by my choice, if I could have a guaranteed thing with anybody back on Earth it would be Lucy Liu."

"Carly." Jennifer said softly with a sad smile. "If I could guarantee anyone it would be Carly. She was the love of my life. But I guess I wasn't hers." Brian dropped forward and rested his head on her knee and a momentary silence fell. But Kylie wasn't ready for silence just yet.

"The Rock." She said boldly as if she had the perfect image in her mind as she said his name. "Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. Mhmm, damn." Jennifer belted out a laugh and Brian let a brilliant smile.

"Is that so." Jennifer said. "Oh, gee, I'm so shocked. Not like you have a type or anything."

"Couldn't have seen that one coming." Brian added.

"Couldn't have seen what coming?" The threesome turned toward the voice joining them from the doorway. Sheppard and Ronon walked up to them, Sheppard snatching Kylie's glass away from her and helping himself to a taste. "This yours? It's nice, smooth.. this with a bit of golf and I might have just made a new best friend. Sorry Ronon." He smiled at his friend. "So who couldn't have seen what?"

"Nothing, we were –"

Brian cut Kylie off. "We were talking about who we'd go for back on Earth if we could be with anybody at all."

"Easy. Marilyn Monroe."

"Kylie here chose The Rock." Sheppard smirked but bit back a laugh.

"I'd act like I'm shocked but I failed theatre in school."

"How do you _fail_ theatre? That's like saying you fail at life. Are you a robot?" Kylie snorted with laughter, her eyes suddenly feeling very heavy as a yawn broke her features and her body swayed slightly through the warmth of the alcohol. She considered the two men before her for a moment before turning back to her new found friends. "There are a lot of beautiful men in this place. Beautiful people. Even Rodney would be sort of beautiful if he ever shut the hell up and grew a soul. Don't you think there are beautiful people in Atlantis?"

"Alright, enough excitement for today, young lady. We got a brief in the morning, lets get you to bed." Sheppard and Ronon's voices blended with the background as an exhausted Kylie let herself be silently led back to her room.


	2. Chapter 2

Weir implemented a mandatory day off every month and it was met with some serious enthusiasm (by most). Kylie, still feeling quite the social ghost, could take it or leave it. Nearly everyone had plans, small events had been set up around the city (a marathon on one floor, a foosball tournament on another, for example), instead of the regular cafeteria lunch line the staff had all been given the meal off. In their place were trays of premade salads, sandwiches, cut vegetables, and fruit. Kylie grabbed a salad and as much fruit as she could fit into her pockets and left for her normal spot; a secluded balcony on the other side of the city where most of the area was still dormant.

As lonely as she felt she knew her habits played a massive hand in her Atlantis social status. She had friends in the city, albeit not many. Eating meals alone, as far from people as she could get definitely didn't help anything. Yet she didn't feel so compelled to change that just yet. Her type of lonely, so she told herself, wasn't the sort to be remedied with idle chatter over lunch. She does that with everyone without missing a beat and always with a smile on her face. Her lonely was the kind that could only be sated by its own a kind; the quiet, hidden, needing desperately but never asking for it kind.

Still, lonely as she was, as the wind blew through her hair, smelling the salt on the air, hearing the waves crashing so far below her, Kylie found it hard to be sad. As usual, right about the time she finished her meal, the sun hit its peak and reached every corner of the balcony effectively showering her in its warm rays. She let out a content sigh, lay down stretched out, and bit into a wonderfully crisp cool apple.

The crash of the waves or the crunch of the apple in her ears, could have been the combination of both. Or maybe she turned into a contented housecat lazing about in that sun and just couldn't be bothered acknowledging anything. Whatever the case may be, Kylie was completely unaware that she had been joined by another.

"So this is where you go every day." A voice spoke in her ear startling her out of her reverie.

"AAAA-oooooh Jesus _Christ_ , Ronon!" Her scream had quickly transformed into the only words that her brain could put together in the moment. She rubbed where the back of her head collided with the balcony floor when she jumped as she lay. "Holy hell, man! Stop doing that!" She turned her head to find that not only had he joined her on the balcony, he had lay right beside her and she hadn't even noticed. He was smirking at her.

"I thought meditation was supposed to heighten your senses or something. You must not be very good at it." He chuckled at her scowl.

"Just because you've learned to hover, space boy…" She mumbled and tried to get back into her lazy cat groove.

"What?"

"I don't even know, don't ask, I have no idea."

"Are you okay?"

"Apparently not. You're too hot for this." She immediately slapped a hand over her face in disbelief. "IT'S. IT's too hot. IT. IS. Too hot for this." She sighed and gave up, daring to sneak a peek at Ronon. He was obviously amused and not making any attempt to hide it. "Laugh it up, chuckles. Thanks." But soon she was smiling, too.

"If it's too hot, go inside. Sheppard said they're playing a movie in one of the sparring rooms. Come with me."

"A movie, eh… " She stared at Ronon, biting her bottom lip in consideration. Her breath caught when she saw the way he stared as her tongue darted out to wet her lips before being reclaimed by her teeth. A nervous habit she'd developed over the years, unfortunately for her poor gnawed on lip. "Sure. I'd like that. Do I have time to get changed?" She glanced down at the yoga pants and long sleeve shirt she still had on from her earlier routine.

"You mean to change into another training outfit? Not that I'm complaining but do you actually have anything else?"

"Says the man always in that little leather get up." She stuck her tongue out at him playfully. "But not that I'm complaining, of course."

"It's in two hours so unless you take as long as Sheppard takes fluffing his hair you'll be fine."

Kylie pulled a plum out of her shirt and tossed it to Ronon, pulling out another for herself with a smile. Wordlessly they parted ways, Kylie to her room to shower and change and Ronon to… do whatever Ronon did in his spare time. Which, Kylie realized, she had no idea about. In fact she knew very little about the Satedan except for how easy he was to be with. She realized, with her stomach tumbling anxiously, that she wouldn't mind knowing a whole lot more.

Fresh out of the shower Kylie stood naked in front of her wardrobe completely stuck. Her yoga pants and uniform top were pretty much her daily set so she hadn't brought much in the way of clothing. She realized everyone would be dressed casual so she didn't want to accidentally over do it and stick out in the crowd.

 _I've always sucked at judging clothing,_ she scolded herself. She finally felt the push to choose when she glanced at the clock and saw she was going to be late. Grabbing a blue light cotton ankle length skirt she paired it with a top she felt the most fitting. A black long sleeve tight in all the right places and a v neck that dove wonderfully low. It was casual but just nice enough to give a certain intoxicating brick wall a peek without being accused of actively trying to do so.

She put on a subtle lip gloss, her regular every day perfume, and gave her hair a quick dry before keeping it down and cascading around her shoulders. She looked date worthy even though, she reminded herself, it was not a date.

 _Still_ … she bit her lip in her nervous habit. _If he tried something I'd probably trip over my own skirt with how fast it'd be on the floor…_

Ronon was waiting for her at the door to the sparring room/temporary movie theatre. He looked about to ready to scold her for being late when he stopped and stared at her. His look of playful irritation softened into a satisfied smirk as she drew closer, his eyes not so subtly roaming over her body.

"You're late."

"Still beat John so it can't be too bad."

He nodded his head a few feet away to where John and Teyla bumped into each other halfway down the hall. John, looking impeccably clumsy, and Teyla, elegantly flustered. "You were saying?"

"How long have they-"

"They aren't."

"But-"

"I know. Now you know. Everyone in Atlantis knows, except for those two."

Seeing the pair settling into a conversation as they slowly made their way forward, Kylie took Ronon by the arm and turned him into the room. "Why don't we just reserve our seats then, eh? Maybe a spot all the way at the back."

By the time they got to their seats John and Teyla had already caught up. Using the cute botanist to deflect Rodney, Kylie managed to seat them so as to tuck John and Teyla off of the crowd. It didn't take long for Teyla, sincerely disinterested in Star Wars: A New Hope, to lose interest in the movie and start asking John questions. A moment later they were in their own world, talking quietly among themselves.

Looking at the brick house next to her she noticed that Ronon was far from being enthralled. Nudging him to catch his attention she silently motioned him out of the room from the other side so as not to cross the two clueless lovers and break the spell.

"That's what passes as great entertainment where you come from?" Ronon asked once they were clear of the room, a touch of skepticism in his voice.

"Well, yeah. But don't forget that nobody on the planet knows about… you know. Any of _this_." She gestured to the city around her. "As far as they're concerned it's all just _theories_ of life on other planets, not actual facts."

"Why? What good does that do? On Sateda we all knew, for the good and bad of it. Trading partners, travellers… others." A heavy weight fell on his words but Kylie was not about to let it linger and cut the conversation. She had never had a real talk with Ronon and she was determined to do it.

"Our world is… complicated. There are many people, probably too many, a lot of them controlled by fear of the unknown. Fear of anyone different. They divide themselves by race and religion, people are tortured and killed because of it. It's been happening almost as long as humans have known about each other. They can't even come to terms with people on their own planet, I can't imagine anything good would come of spreading that across the galaxy. The people in Atlantis were chosen because of they're open minds and impeccable skills but even then…"

Ronon gave her an intense, honest stare. He wasn't a man of many words but with eyes like that he didn't really need to be. Kylie suddenly felt on the spot and as if she needed to reassure him… or was it her? Reassure someone that things will work out this time.

"Out of everyone here, you're on the best team with the best people. They left all that crap behind on Earth. They don't consider you separate from them, not even slightly."

"Were you worried I was feeling out of place?" A satisfied smirk flashed on his features. His arm brushed hers slightly as they walked at a slow pace down an abandoned hallway. "Thinking they were being mean to me and I was feeling lonely?"

"Oh, I'm sure you don't have a problem with feeling lonely." She teased.

"Jealous? With a body like that I'm sure you don't have problems either."

Kylie stopped dead. Ronon stopped alongside her, not missing a beat.

"What?"

"You know it, too. Those… 'yoga' pants you wear are for movement but you know exactly what else they do, don't you." It wasn't a question. Kylie swallowed as Ronon's voice seemed deeper, a quiet danger that excited and petrified Kylie to the very core. She realized he had been advancing as he spoke, but she hadn't realized she had been retreating til her back hit the wall. "Think I didn't notice how you bend over a whole lot more when I'm in the room?"

"Ah. Well." She felt a playful fire begin to burn. She knew. She knew very well. And now she had been found out. "My mother always told me to put my best feature forward." Ronon let out a deep, seductive laugh that rolled over Kylie and did funny things to unmentionable places. She had been so enthralled by the predatory look in Ronon's eyes that she was delightedly shocked to find herself caught between a rock and a hard place (or rather, Ronon and the wall), finally finding out first hand just how much like a brick wall he really was.

His hands cupped the sides of her face and tilted her up slightly, crashing his lips to hers. Their lips meeting was akin to being struck by lightning, the fury of lust building up just as quickly. They both let out an audible moan as their tongues collided, Kylie's hands gripping the back of his collar as if gale force winds were trying to part them. Ronon dropped his hands from her face and grabbed roughly at her waist, leaving a trail of fire along her body as he kneaded the curves of her ass with demanding hands. She broke the kiss and dove straight for his neck, nipping and licking and sucking as if it would save her life.

"You can show off your features to me any time you want." He said breathless into her ear. The wonder didn't escape her that she, Kylie, had made this man breathless and frantic. His head had dropped to her own neck, kissing his way down to her breasts as if he were a man starved.

As lost as she was in the bliss and fury of all that was Ronon she froze, stopped breathing even, when she felt his hand move to her stomach to pull her shirt up. She felt like running and hiding, like she wished this has never started in the first place. She went to stop his hand immediately realizing her own stupid, stupid mistake when a cough from down the hall stopped them both.

"You do have rooms, you know." Weir stated, a smile even in her tone. Ronon stepped back, a hand still on the small of her back but giving her enough room to catch her breath and see the rest of the hall. A small crowd had up come up from down the hall and had come across them on the way back towards the rooms. Snickers came from some in the crowd as they moved on their way.

John and Teyla separated themselves from the crowd. Teyla smiled warmly at Kylie while John was giggling like a cheeky twelve year old boy. "The movie broke down." He explained. "But something tells me neither of you were too concerned with that." Teyla pulled John along towards the mess hall with an apologetic smile, whispering to him to stop interrupting and to get moving.

As fast as they had appeared, they were gone and once more Ronon and Kylie were alone in the hall. The heat of his hand on her waist suddenly filled her heart with anxiety and made her lungs feel heavy. She let out an awkward chuckle and regrettably moved out of his arms. Silence lingered between them as Ronons stare was again unyielding and Kylie was flooded with uncertainty.

Ronon took her hand and lead her back to her room. He didn't say a word. He didn't try a thing. Being ever perceptive he knew something had happened to make her jumpy and tense. What it was he couldn't guess and so far didn't ask. He left her at her door, tense from the fire searing through his veins at the mere touch of her hand.

Kylie went to bed early that night but never quite fell asleep. She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, her chest feeling decidedly hollow, and tears in her eyes.

"This is insane. Why on Earth are we even doing this?" McKay asked through a panic.

"We aren't on Earth, McKay." Kylie said bluntly. "Get a grip."

"We have absolutely no coverage here. The only place to go is at the end of this turn off but if we head out we'll be totally exposed!" His rambling had started and it was already wearing Kylie out.

"McKay!" She placed a firm grip on his shoulder to bring his attention back. "Think of this logically. This corner is very wide and has no cover. Look at the sun… look at our shadows, McKay. We'd be able to see anyones shadow long before they make it to the turn off and by then we could make it to the end."

"Right… logic… Still mad but what if –"

"McKay! Snap out of it and move, please! Before I leave you here!"

She gave him a shove towards the turn off and was sure to keep her eyes open for anyone coming up behind them. They were halfway there when they heard feet thundering down the road, the shadows creeping up on the corner. They couldn't hope to make it at this point, it was still too far off. But suddenly McKay stopped and moved away from Kylie.

"You go. I'll lead them off."

"But –"

"I'm done with this. I really am. Now go before they get you, too." And he was gone without another word.

Kylie ran quickly and as silently as she could, finally making it to the cover at the end of the path. She tried to peek for any sign of McKay but she could neither see nor hear anything. But before she could react she felt a pressure on her back and hot breath at her ear.

"Gotcha." The voice whispered, sending a shiver through her body. Breath lodged in her throat, her palms perspiring from the grip of her clenched fists. The pressure on her back stayed steady as a hand gripped her waist firmly. But all her training with Lorne and Teyla had kicked it before her panic had the chance to. In the blink of an eye she stomped down on her assailants foot and swung her elbow up behind her, hearing a satisfying crack as it collided with the side of his head, effectively making his grip falter. She took the opportunity to spin to face her opponent and brace herself for a fight only to be halted by disbelief. Ronon stood within an inch of Kylie, smirking down at her, a hand momentarily cradling his jaw.

"Not bad," he critiqued. "If you lean a little more to the side you'll have more power in your swing and hit the nose instead."

"I'm so sorry! I wasn't expecting… Ooh they are in so much trouble." She poked him none too gently on his chest. "Did you put them up to this? No fair, guys! You can't use the Satedan for all your tracking needs!" She yelled the last statement out to the trees around herself and Ronon. A steady giggle came from a few of the trees before children came out from all over the place. A chorus of 'we win! we win!' rang out between the children as they ran back towards their village.

"When did you get back? I thought you'd be back in Atlantis for a few hours."

"I was." Came the usual stoic response.

"Wow… Those kids can con, don't turn your back for a second. I said we'd play one game of hide and seek but apparently that was hours ago. They even got _McKay_ to play." Ronon threw his head back as he laughed.

"I'm sorry I missed that. I'm sure he loved every minute of it."

"And you!" She jabbed him again and put her hands on her hips in an attempt to seem the least bit reckoning. "All this effort in a game, ruined. I was about to win, you know!"

"You want me to call them back? Give you another chance?" Ronon teased, throwing an arm around her shoulder and turning them to head back to the village.

"Oh hell no, get me out of here." Sounds of the forest took over as they continued their walk for a time. "How is Teyla feeling? Any better?"

"A bit. She thanks you for taking her place today. Could you imagine a group of military walking into this place?"

"Intimidating, for sure. Definitely not the right impression even if Sheppard is a huge softy."

"I saw him before the kids got to me. He's a little sore he couldn't play, too." Kylie laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I had to convince him he had to do his leader thing and it wasn't the time. They promised him a game of tag later, though."

"You seem pretty good with kids. Do you have any back on Earth?" Kylie stared at him for a moment, the question seeming so odd coming from Ronon.

"No." He didn't miss how her jaw clenched as she answered. "I have a niece that I spent every waking moment with but none of my own."

"She must miss you."

"I hadn't seen her for a few years already before coming to Atlantis. My um…" She stopped walking and peered up at Ronon. "I caught my sisters husband cheating on her but when I told her she didn't believe me. He'd convinced her I was lying. My dearly devoted sister took his word for it and I haven't been allowed to see my niece since. But how… How do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"You ask a question and I feel compelled to answer. It's like my mouth doesn't have an off switch with you."

"I don't know, that sounds like it could have its perks."

A slight blush tinged Kylie's cheeks and she bit her lip to keep a grin from breaking through. She realized Ronon was playing with the ends of her hair though she couldn't tell how long he'd already been doing so.

"Doesn't it, though." Her voice was low and steady though her heart beat furiously at their proximity. She wasn't lying when she told Ronon she didn't have an off switch when it came to him. She really didn't and it was getting her into a situation she would usually run from. Kylie wanted to hit herself for the way she was talking to him and all the things she was so ready to do, all the things she shouldn't even dream about doing. She wanted to tape her mouth shut so as not to dig herself any deeper, starting something she knew damn well she wouldn't be able to go through with. But she just couldn't stop it, who the hell knows why. Her mind had to fight every ounce of her soul that was pushing itself forward and into his arms. Fearing she might lose that fight at any moment she took a step back and tripped over herself. Ronon caught her as she fell and a nearly grim smile tensed his face.

"I saw you last night." He said abruptly. The colour drained from Kylie's face. "I wasn't spying. I went in to see if you wanted help prepping for your first time off world. You were –"

"How much did you see?"

"One hand was in your shirt." He traced his fingers lightly over the collared V of her shirt, barely brushing her skin. "The other was under your gown. Your cheeks were flushed." The back of one rough hand brushed her cheek where a blush had been for so long now it would likely never leave.

"I didn't stay to watch. But I was leaving and I heard –"

"Ronon –" She breathed, not sure what to say or do.

"That's it." His thumb traced her bottom lip. "I heard my name. Tell me… Why do you back away when I touch you? But then you call my name when you touch yourself. I know you're not shy. And I know you want it, too."

She felt the despair. She knew full well it was plain as day on her face. She started to speak, still not entirely sure what she would be saying when she did, but she started none the less.

"Kyyyyyylie!" A little voice rang out through the forest bursting the strange and intimate bubble Ronon and Kylie had been in. "I see you! Come on, you promised to make cake of the pan!"

Try as she might she couldn't be upset with the little girls interruption. She smiled bright and found her over Ronon's shoulder, waving over to her. "Pancakes, Ellie. And I'll be right over, hun, hold on!"

Turning back to Ronon she offered a sad, apologetic smile and held her hand out for his. "Want to help with a little cake of the pan, sir?" She asked him quietly, almost afraid of her own voice.

Without hesitation he took her hand and, now joined by a simply radiant little girl, they walked back to the village.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! I've been really struggling with this story so I'd appreciate some reviews. I wasn't sure how to bring out my desired result from this chapter even with a few different scenarios in mind so I hope I picked wisely. Is it overdramatic? A ridiculous scene? Feedback, please!**

Kylie couldn't shake the ominous feeling radiating through her chest. Something was awry but she couldn't figure out what. The elders were speaking with Sheppard and Rodney in a nearby hut. Ronon had joined them but he was more there as a 'just in case' measure and mostly stood at the doorway watching Kylie out of the corner of his eye. The women were going about their day. Most of the children were crowded around helping Kylie make 'pan of cakes' they had been promised. Some of the children were helping to mash a sweet banana-esque fruit native to the village, some were helping grind oats down to a fine flour, others were bringing Kylie collections of spices they had to see which she could use as a salt and cinnamon type flavour, and some were fetching milk from what could have been a breed of goat. Everything was running smoothly, everyone was calm and happy.

But then she spotted it. The one thing that she must have noticed in the back of her mind but hadn't readily seen. The village's hunting party had recently returned and though the rest had gone about their business of settling back into their homes and readying their fresh kill, one had taken to skulking in the background. A young man, in his early twenties from Kylie's estimate, was behind a nearby hut watching them with a look that definitely did not say he was looking to make friends.

She didn't stare back, didn't give the hint that she had seen him, she kept right on mixing and making pancakes for the kids. She shot a tense look at Ronon but, conveniently, it had been the one moment he had looked away. Kylie moved to stand but was distracted by a cup being shoved at her by a stoutly older woman.

"Here. Drink. Tis almost time to dine." Were her only gruff words before marching off to hand drinks to the others in the hut.

Kylie sipped absently at her drink pursing at the overly sweet tang as she made her way to where the man had been a moment ago. Passing by the elders hut as she went, hearing the men laughing as they bartered and drank.

Maybe it was being under the sun all day, or maybe it was the calming breeze through the trees causing all those relaxing childhood memories of camping out in the country that made Kylie's body feel weighted and tired. Not enough to lay down or fall down but enough that she had to push back the thought of how comfortable that field of heather looked.

She may have come to make the villagers more comfortable accepting strangers, she may not be part of the barter, but she had a purpose and she was going to do something about it. As she approached the last spot she had seen the man she heard muffled voices and slowed to a crawl.

"Are you sure you gave enough to the big one?"

"As much as I dared, sir. We've never used it on someone his size before, it's hard to say how well it'll work."

"But did you see them drink it? All of it?"

"Yes, sir. Are you sure about the woman, sir? She was good with the children, wouldn't she be worth more alive? She can't be much of a threat, I didn't see-"

The man's words were drowned out by a crash, followed by a barbarian cry that could have come from none other than Ronon. Kylie hurried for her automatic when she realized she had left it with John before she played with the children. Ducking for the handgun in her boot her heart was beating too loudly in her ears for her to hear the footsteps behind her.

A break of glass and a sharp pain were the last things she remembered before it all went to black.

Kylie came to with barely enough light to see her own hand in front of her face. If that weren't frightening enough Ronon's groans were echoing alarmingly loud in whatever cave or confinement they were in. The sound shocked her into action and she leapt forward to find him.

"Ronon? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" She followed the groans slowly through the dark. A hand shot out and grabbed her arm, halting her search.

"Kylie. The drinks…"

"I know. Where are John and Rodney?"

"There." Came the terse reply. "Still out. Didn't work on me. They – they hit me with something."

"Tell me what's wrong." On high alert she placed her hands gently on his arms.

"I – I feel everything. It hurts. They must have given me some poison. I'm not sure if it's going away or if I'm…"

"Alright. Take deep breaths with me, Ronon. Follow me, okay? Feel how I'm breathing." She took one of his hands and placed it on her chest, palm flat against her skin, her hand over his. "Listen to me. It wasn't poison, Ronon. You're reacting to the drugs they gave you. You're hypersensitive but it'll pass." He groaned and tensed, his fingers curling painfully into her chest. With her other hand she cupped his face. "The harder you fight it the more it'll hurt. You need to relax. Think calming, positive thoughts."

A pained laugh followed by, "Bullshit."

"Breathe, relax, don't panic." She smiled at him through the dark. She felt the fingers on her chest twitch as they relaxed and opened. "Good… What's something that calms you down? What can I-" She stopped herself, an idea coming to mind. Moving to kneel between Ronon's legs Kylie held his face in her hands and gently pressed her lips to his. Different from the heated kisses before, this one held reassurance and comfort. It was not imposing or demanding. Ronon, once tense, sighed into the kiss and Kylie could practically feel the shift in him. Though the kiss was short, they leisurely parted, Ronon leaning his forehead against hers and breathing deep.

A moment later, before Kylie even realized he was moving, she found herself turned around and drawn against Ronon. One arm hooked around her chest and the other around her stomach he held her close, burying himself in the crook of her neck and breathing deeply. They both found immediate comfort in the embrace and Kylie couldn't help but drift off in his arms.

Kylie awoke gradually instinctively curling into the gentle warming vibration that seemed to be surrounding her. A comfort broken only by the shrill tones of McKay being promptly silenced by Sheppard, plummeting her back into the reality she had momentarily been blissfully unaware of.

"Look just because his girlfriend here-"

"Ronon's right, McKay. Shut it. She's never been in this situation before and she's only here now cause she was doing us a favour. Lets not bring her into the panic until absolutely necessary."

"I appreciate the concern but I was never under the impression that being off world would be safe." Kylie spoke before anyone knew she was awake. She could feel McKay's smarmy grin before he even spoke.

"See? Now if you're finished shushing me I have some thinking to do."

"Do you really need your mouth for that?" Kylie felt the rumble of Ronons words and felt the pull of that fleeting comfort she'd had just moments before. She moved to get up before the pull grew stronger but was halted by Ronons grip. Staring up at him she realized that they had a good amount of lighting in their confinement ow. He was no longer a vague outline in the dark but a real tangible figure, staring at her in open contemplation. No longer being shrouded by the dark Kylie felt their proximity on a while other level. Ronon was the first to speak, all pain and anxiety obviously gone, the drug now out of his system.

"Thank you."

"I'm happy to help. Sorry for falling asleep on you… That's probably at the top of the list of things not to do when you've been taken prisoner, right?" She felt heat rapidly spreading through her and was finally drawn out of her own little bubble and into observing their prison. The cave was small and just one person why of being too crowded to allow. _I had more room living in my Jeep…_ she thought. There were no doors and no windows but light, as well as small wisps of smoke, came through cracks in the stone. "Dare I ask… Where are we?"

"Judging by what I saw through the cracks before the smoke started, the ever rising heat, and that campfire smell I'd say we've been putting in a bonfire or something similar." Rodney answered as if it were the sort of thing that happened all the time. "Obviously I can't say much about how we're positioned or what we're in exactly but think of how you'd steam vegetables and you'll essentially get the gist of it."

Kylie wanted to fight, wanted to scream in panic, but knowing how useless that would be all she managed was a small "Oh."

"Nicely delivered, Rodney." Sheppard bit out sarcastically. "Don't worry Kylie, whoever put us in here was obviously in a hurry and missed the back up radio in my vest. Weir got through to us during the check in and she's sending help. We just gotta sit tight."

"You said 'ever rising heat'. We're about to be worse off than steamed broccoli. So while I appreciate the effort John, please don't sugar coat it where impending death is concerned. How long do we have to be found and how wide is the search area?"

"It's difficult to say considering we can't get a visual on what sort of area we're in. But we couldn't have been out for too long so we can't be far from the village. As for time…" Rodney offered as near a sympathetic reassurance type of smile as he could manage. "At least they have the Puddle Jumpers. It can't be that hard to find a bonfire, right?" But no one knew how to answer.

Kylie wasn't sure if several minutes or a few hours had passed but the heat was beginning to be devastating. It hadn't been long after their conversation that Kylie mentioned that the heat of the cave and Ronon's man heat was too much to take and so moved away to sit alone.

John and Ronon had long since passed gotten rid of their shirts. Kylie's body really should have known better considering their situation but apparently it didn't care and it took serious concentration on Kylies part not to stare shamelessly. Rodney must have been feeling out of place next to John and Ronon as well. Sweat was practically pouring from Rodney's face by the time he threw in the towel and started stripping layers, complaining the whole time in the usual McKay way.

Kylie wanted to. Oh, she so desperately wanted to. But even in such a situation she couldn't manage to push passed that barrier and actually do it. She started thinking of all those summers she spent overheating in long pants and shirts just to spare herself from strangers gawking. She thought of the times she deigned to wear normal summer clothes only to be yelled at to cover up or go away by men driving by and hear the appalled gasps of nearby women. Her head was close to spinning, the sweat was getting to be ridiculous, her clothes felt like they were shrinking on her body. She wanted to take her shirt off so bad she ached.

It was then that she started to hyperventilate, falling forward on to all fours. A sob broke from her having absolutely nothing to do with the heat. But the spinning of her world slowed and as her breathing got back in check and the tears stopped she found Ronon beside her. Her heart throbbed as she heard a song he hummed as he played with her hair and stayed with her. Seeing the change in her he sat her upright, "Are you back with us? You alright?" but a simple nod was all she could manage. "You're overheating too quickly, Kylie. Being conscious will help when they save our asses so you need to take something off, give yourself more time."

Though she nodded, though she complied, she shed tears through tightly shut eyes as she pulled the shirt over her head. And there she sat, shirt discarded, immediately feeling relief out of the black cotton long sleeve but refusing to open her eyes. Kylie knew what would happen, she's seen it a hundred times before. As she felt her skin throbbing she mentally locked on to the few fleeting moments she had had with Ronon and tried to make peace with the usual "it was nice while it lasted". She blocked the comment she knew Rodney must have made, the rest of it being muffled by John smacking him upside the head.

She held her breath and opened her eyes, staring hard at the ground determined not to look at Ronon. But it was no use. Kylie saw his once concerned expression contort into anger and she refused to feel that shattering sensation deep down. She looked back down only to be met with the sight of her own body.

Kylie liked her body. Hell, she loved it. Strong legs, thick thighs, leading up to a (in her opinion) fantastic ass. She may have nearly nonexistent breasts but with her eye catching curves she didn't really mind. Yes, she had stretch marks and a muffin top. But she truly loved it all. What she hated was the angry welts across her skin. The plaques that spread over her entire body. That tore her open when she turned and stung when she bathed. The ones that now stood out on her skin, raised and red from the heat.

 _Another one bites the dust_ , she thought, having seen this reaction so many times before. Seeing the disgusted look or the anger that she had let them touch her at all.

Kylie was able to cope with the heat much better without her thick cotton long sleeve. But right at that moment she wondered if she wouldn't have been better off leaving it on and passing out. The familiar cold, bitter feeling knotted itself in the pit of her stomach as she shut her eyes tight and tried to steady her breathing. More than once she heard the shuffle of Ronons feet making his way towards her, only to turn back.

And there she sat, eyes closed and breathing heavy, battling the same old thoughts. Desperately wishing she were anywhere else in the universe.

An hour later they were found, running out of air, dehydrated, and barely conscious. Though Kylie couldn't really bring herself to care.


	4. Chapter 4

A week had gone by since Kylie was involved in her first infamous last minute Atlantis team rescue. And it was the slowest week she had ever experienced in her life. To say it moved at a snails pace would be putting it mildly. But it would seem like that to anyone that hadn't been sleeping and just went about the motions of daily business.

She had tried to go about her days as usual at first, thinking nothing of the fact that she had a fitful sleep her first night. The second night she could barely lay in bed without wanting to lash out. The third day her feet had lead her subconsciously to her room during meals. Kylie even justified training in her room as mere convenience to save time. Sure, it wasn't every day a village tried to practically sauna you to death as a sacrifice to their Deities for a prosperous year. She refused to think about any other detail of that day. But Kylie had convinced herself it was par for the course and she was fine. Until a week had gone by…

Maybe the lack of sleep did things to her mind, making her notice the rays of light streaming across her room differently. Maybe there had been a lingering smell she refused to notice until she had a very thorough shower and now personally smelled of lavender and lemongrass. Whatever had happened, her perspective shifted drastically the moment she took one step out of her bathroom. It was like seeing the room for the first time and she chastised herself for being so blind to it before. Small piles of used tissue seemed to surround her bed, somewhat used clothing lay scattered haphazardly about the room, books had been taken out and never put back, and there was an borderline repulsive/pleasant smell of day old strawberries that she really couldn't imagine the cause of.

She had decided enough was enough and promptly cleaned her room before even stepping foot out of her towel. As she cleaned her mind was pulled into a trance, completely absorbed by her heavy thoughts. Thoughts of her past, thoughts of her purpose. She delivered some harsh thruths to herself that she wished she could deny and was ashamed of, even though nobody else witnessed it all. Truth of how she had been behaving, of what her environment had turned into, of the mess that everything was.

She knew she needed help breaking out of her darkness but instead of a person to talk to she turned to the sun. So this time at lunch when she grabbed her tray and left the cafeteria, she turn right instead of left. She headed for that place in Atlantis that always felt warm and inviting, where she could unwind and find her solace comforting instead of lonely, give herself a quiet place to meditate and center herself that wasn't an artificially lit locked room.

Her thoughts were conflicting as she walked along the halls of Atlantis. A part of her revelled in the thought of returning to her routine and progressing in her role in the city instead of doing just the bare minimum (as she had been since her return).

The other part cringed every time someone turned a corner towards her, she found herself praying to whichever God or Goddess had their ears on to not let her path cross with Ronon's. She tried convincing herself that she was fine with letting him go, as she had all the others. She tried to convince herself that she could be hands off and friendly with him. She tried to tell herself that it didn't hurt nearly as bad as she thought and that her soul was just being a baby. She tried... but she knew she was failing. Her resolve, then, was purely 'fake it til you make it'.

It was during the former, that happiness from the familiarity of her path up to the balcony door anxiously awaiting the sunlight, that the door opened. It was as soon as that door began to open that both completely vanished from her mind and she immediately wished she could hit rewind. She knew it was him the instant the door opened the slightest crack but refused to accept it til she forcibly stepped foot onto the balcony.

Ronon barely cracked open an eye from his position lying in the sun before speaking. "Hey." He rumbled. And the sound was enough for Kylie to catch her heart in her throat. She managed her friendliest, trying for casual, 'hello' before sitting away from him by the edge of the balcony and starting on her lunch. She heard a shuffle behind her but continued to look at the salad in her hand as if it contained all the answers in the galaxy. A silence fell heavy on Kylie's shoulders and she wondered if she were in for the awkward talk or the angry rant. But she couldn't contain her shock when his voice softened as he spoke.

"What?" Kylie turned to look at him and saw he had moved to sitting not too far away from her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I've been waiting for you. Since we got back."

"I know what it means, I meant…. But why did… W-"

"I kept trying to find you but you locked yourself in your room. Everyone told me to give you time, your first mission and everything… Are you alright?" Something inside Kylie desperately wanted to soften, to give in and believe that it didn't matter. But an even bigger something reminded her of all those moments she had and remembered that it did. She didn't let her hopes rise. Instead she raised that familiar cool glass separating her actions from her heart and braced for impact. "I should have come… Kylie, you have no idea what it did to me seeing those scars." His words were so heartfelt, his tone so sincere, it was like jamming a rock down Kylie's throat.

"Sc-scars?" She barely managed her words, dread growing thick around her.

"Nobody knows about you but the doc. Beckett said he couldn't tell me. Doctor-patient whatever."

"And I bet you tried to make him, too." She smirked and he let out a laugh before reaching out and caressing Kylie's cheek with his rough hands.

"You could have told me." His words faltered and he looked away. "I care about you, Kylie. And after… after Sateda… after everything, I didn't think I'd find this again."

"I care about you, too, Ronon. That's – That's why I _wish_ these were scars. You have _no idea_ how badly I wish they were scars. Scars you can excuse, they have a reason, they're more _socially acceptable_. But this…" She moved out of his touch and began to pace. "I have psoriasis. I've had it since I was ten. My immune system attacks itself and it will keep at it my entire life. My skin grows too fast for it to keep up so these things all over my skin… They aren't scars. They're plaques of more skin. They're itchy, painful, ugly, and fucking awful little shits that I will never get rid of. They'll just switch up the scale from shitty to shittastic on any given day as they fucking well want to. And I'm sick of being looked at like I'm either carrying the plague or like I'm a picture in some medical textbook. I'm sick of having to say "are you sure you wanna keep going cause I'm not so sexy under these clothes" every time a guy looks like he's into me. I'm sorry that I've been leading you on but I really care about you, Ronon, and I just wanted to taste what being normal would feel like."

Ronon, who previously looked unsure of what to say or how to process this, was about to speak when Kylie shut him down. Anger had suddenly sparked in Kylie and she couldn't help but let it burn.

"I know what you're going to say, I've heard it all before, and I'm sorry but what was I supposed to do?! 'Ronon, I really want to fuck you but do you mind if I keep my clothes on and you don't ask questions'? 'I want to lick every inch of your body but, heads up, you might not want to return to gesture'? This is so fucked up and I'm sorry I dragged you into it but when the hell do I get a moment otherwise. I have a great smile, my ass is fantastic, my thighs are fucking gold, I'm inexplicably proud that I've never needed to tweeze my eyebrows, and I have a great personality. Why is this shit on me? Why can't I have you?" Her breath came fast and shallow. Kylie hung her head, defeated. She picked up her lunch, no longer the slightest interest in anything other than her bed, and made for the door. "And I can't even blame you because of course you should want the person you're with."


	5. Chapter 5

You can't outright hate someone for trying to save your life. No matter the pain its caused you. And Kylie had tried really hard for a long time, too. Any which way she spun it, no matter how bad the days got, they thought they had been saving her. Then one day she had to admit to herself that maybe they had. After all, it's not like she knew what happened after she had been forced through the gate. Atlantis… her friends… Ronon. Maybe they lived. Or maybe…

Her heart clenched at the thought and she forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat.

It had been the longest four months of her life. If it had actually been four months… Kylie couldn't be sure of the exact date. Being stranded on an alien planet will do that to you. Building a stick and stone sundial out of immense boredom could only take you so far.

She replayed that last day on Atlantis over and over again as she tore apart the strips of wood and wheat she used to weave her shoes. She regret a lot from that day. She regret wearing only dollar store quality flats when she was tossed through the gate. She regret not having a broad space communicator permanently sewn to her hip. She regret not stashing more chocolate in the gym bag she'd thankfully had on her at the time. What she regret most of all was not taking a jump at Ronon when she had the chance.

He had been quiet at first during their conversation on the balcony. Ronon had never been in a situation like this before, never known a woman with this ailment before, he wasn't sure of his footing or how to react. But once he'd found his words, they were loud and clear.

 _I want you._

And Kylie panicked. She knew Ronon wasn't one to lie but she couldn't bring herself to fully believe him. What if he says that now but once he gets up close and personal he changes his mind? Kylie could see it happening so easily it took next to no imagination, regardless of what she knew about Ronon's character. So she felt that old cold steel preemptively encase her heart as she stood frozen. She couldn't stop the cringe at the memory of how he looked as she turned a cold shoulder on him.

But Atlantis, ever in peril, pulled them from their personal bubble with another threat. One admittedly more confusing than any other she had experienced. People were seeing ghosts and collapsing in the corridors left and right. Panic spread quickly. The day was filled with headaches and whales and ghosts and with no shortage of frustration. Evacuation loomed ahead, the fate of the expedition was looking grim.

As to what had lead her to a strange planet, solo….

Atlantis had given shelter recently to a group of refugees on the run from the Wraith. Kylie had actually been the one to lead communications with them when they first asked for refuge. Even as desperate as they were for help they refused to speak unless the groups spiritual leader was there. Taking the cue from the rest of the team (and the literal shove from Sheppard) Kylie had sat with them to discuss their refuge from the Wraith. Their race, now near extinction, were at their shortest seven feet tall and even in their advanced age were impressively strong. Despite their impressive stature they were, as anyone would be, more vulnerable to foreign illness. They quite easily caught a strand of Earth flu, a virus that turns quite degenerative in their kind. They quickly began exhibiting dementia-like symptoms so through the terror of yet another impending disaster Kylie had elected to stay and comfort them.

The moment the first death was called this group, huddled in its corner of the hospital wing, knew exactly what needed to be done.

 **Save the Shaman** was the general consensus of this group of elder refugees.

In what one might call a series of unfortunate events, or even better some really bad fucking timing, this dementia was increased by the frequencies being blasted out by the whales. And these elders, feeling a threat to their home, did what their race has done for thousands of years.

 **Save the Shaman.**

The Shaman, by their civilizations standards, the most important person in the village. By using a technology all their own that had not been disclosed to Atlantis upon their arrival they themselves dialed the gate. Dialed for a planet their race had long used to send their Shamans to safety in times of great peril. They found her on her way to the gym, carried her to the gate, and, unable to make a sound for help through their giant muzzling hands, tossed her through.

So she really couldn't be angry at them.

But oh, she wanted to.

As the gate had closed behind her a chill swept through her panic-stricken self. She stood there, numb in shock but not blind to her surroundings. The planet she was on was beyond gorgeous. The sort of place people back on Earth regularly turn into resorts and 'wish you were here' post cards. And she appeared to have it all to herself. It was her private oasis, once you got used to the atmosphere. After the initial shock had finally worn off another had set in – how the hell has this planet thrived?

It acted as a desert; scorching by day, snowing by night. Except there were streams all over the place, the flowers flourished, the trees were the size of office buildings. In some parts of the forest Kylie felt like an ant standing next to incomprehensibly huge foliage. So it struck her as ethereal when she came upon a quaint little village nestled in a hidden valley.

It took her an estimated two weeks to brave exploring passed earshot of the gate. It took another two after that to convince herself she had no reason to keep using the gate as her home base. Surely if Atlantis had survived they would have come for her by now. " _If they survived_ " no longer a phrased that tripped her up to even think about. Instead she reached the point of a cold and hollow acceptance.

When she came across the village the relief she felt was fleeting, at best. It didn't look very advanced technologically. So what of their mentality? What would they do to a woman alone? Worse still, what would they do to a _sick_ woman alone? Think she carries the plague?

A good distance from the village she found some caves that were decidedly better than the makeshift tent she had been using by the gate. Making the final decision to abandon her stargate hopes once and for all, she settled in and refused to think of anything but taking it day by day.

 _ **-This was meant to be a longer chapter but I really wanted to post something today. I was getting a little distracted near the end. The new Gilmore Girls comes out tomorrow so I've been finishing up a replay of the final season. I swear, if they do anything to mess with Luke and Lorelai I'm gonna start a riot! And how weird must it be for Padalecki to go back to a character named Dean after 11 some odd years of Dean being his brother? Anyway... I'm waiting to buy the DVD set of Stargate Atlantis Season 4 before I really continue with this story. Reviews are always appreciated, though! Thank you!**_


	6. Chapter 6

Another restless night had Ronon feeling inexplicably waterlogged. To say he was aggravated after five months of nights just like this one would be putting it mildly. Stretched across his bed, staring at the ceiling with unfocused eyes, he cursed himself the same as he had all the nights previous since Kylie disappeared. He cursed being in a warm bed while she was who knows where. He cursed himself for not being there to keep her safe. He cursed Elizabeth for bringing in someone with no real combat training. How was a _spiritual anybody_ supposed to fight off an attack? He cursed Kylie for not being prepared for the realities of being in Atlantis.

Ronon's eyes were open, trained on the ceiling still, yet in his mind a vision of Kylie appeared. The way she never failed to stop to help no matter what was happening. The way she sucked on her lip and squinted her eyes somewhat when she was concentrating. The way she seemed to laugh with her whole body; it wasn't just the sound, but her eyes shone, her skin glowed, and she freely radiated joy.

Those full lips, that lush hair… that tight waist, those thick hips…

His vision of Kylie shifted as he pictured how she looked her last day on Atlantis.

The way she took her time on the mats when she thought no one was around. The moan and sigh that escaped her as she fell into a deep stretch; feet wide apart, bent at the waist, the top of her head resting on the floor. Her eyes had been closed, her lips puckered as she breathed. Ronon's cock twitched at the recollection of how her tights had left so little to the imagination in such a position.

His mind rewound to earlier in the day, their conversation on the balcony. Over the five months she's been gone he had played over and over what he had wanted to do that day. What he _would have_ done if they hadn't been interrupted.

In a swift and easy move he freed himself from his pants and stroked himself hard and slow. Picturing Kylie and how badly he had wanted to pin her back against that wall and finish what had been stuck in his brain since movie night. Pin her back and tear her shirt open, greedily devouring every inch of skin across her breasts as he lifted her skirt to find her hot and wet with want. His cock gave a hard pulse at the thought of finding her so ready for him. His pace sped up in time with the image in his mind of their entangled bodies, holding her tight against him, her nails digging into his skin as he thrust into her hard and fast.

He came, filling the silence around him with a pained roar of regret and longing.

 _Just a little glimpse at Ronon's side since Kylie has been gone. A little bit of a filler while I'm writing the next chapter, too. I'm hopeful it'll be done soon! I can write one, maybe two, chapters before I get really stuck and in serious need to rewatch season 4. But as winter changes into more of the crazy cold snaps and the harsh dry weather I'll become more of a hermit (dry freezing temperatures are ABSOLUTE HELL on psoriasis) and hopefully be more focused on getting more stories done in my down time._

 _Any reviews would be lovely and encouraging! Thanks for reading!_


	7. Chapter 7

She withdrew into the cool shade of the cabin and swallowed a sob. Why is this happening?

-3 Weeks Prior-

Food ran short quickly as, surprisingly, it wasn't as abundant by the caves in the middle of the forest as it had been on the edge by the gate. Emboldened by her stomach contracting in hunger she began sneaking into the village under the cover of night to grab some food; a small handful here and there. Kylie could tell by the way her clothing sagged and her thighs burned under the smallest amount of strain that she hadn't had nearly enough to eat for far too long. The temptation to steal her fill was great yet would reveal her far too easily. A missing apple and a bun could be brushed off, not even noticed, after all, nobody counted beans individually. A small handful of seeds didn't show on the whole. But any more than that…

But it wasn't enough, if her withering body was any indication.

She was terrified of being caught.

Now more than ever.

The combination of no food, none of her regular vitamins or creams, and drinking barely enough to stay hydrated had wrecked havoc on her body. Her psoriasis was out of control and the pain was excruciating. Now that her clothing was torn she was barely covered, there was no way she could pass through town without it being seen. Deciding she had nothing left to lose and the star gate rarely even a thought in her mind she made the decision to move on and see what else was out there. If she happened to run out of food before finding anything else out there then… so be it.

She took the tattered shirt, leaving her covered in nothing but a filthy sports bra, and tied it into a pouch. It would hold enough that rations could be drawn out a good two weeks. Three if she went here and there without a single bite.

Night crept up slowly as Kylie waited on the outskirts of town, as impatient as ever, watching the regular routine of the villagers. Feeding the animals before securing them in their pens, closing their baskets and stores of food and drink, bringing in firewood to rest beside the hearth, dousing the torches that had been lit around the center of the village. At this point Kylie had seen this so many times she could easily join them and not miss a step. As she moved into town nothing seemed out of the ordinary; curtains were drawn, children in their beds, parents idly chatting by the fire in hushed voices. It was still so strange to her how content this village seemed at all times. They all worked together for the betterment of their community, as far as she had seen they had no need for money and everyone shared the land so greed was rarely a cause for dispute, she had not once seen Wraith even attempt a culling. Even the children barely threw tantrums. It felt as if the village were in that constant state of a sleepy, warm, Saturday morning that Kylie knew so well as a child.

She drew closer to the storage canisters next to the barn already feeling the physical exertion of trying to be as stealthy as possible; her heart was beating hard. Everything was going as normal and yet she couldn't escape the feeling of dread. Regular appearance aside, something felt off about the whole thing. Convincing herself she was feeling paranoid due to the fact that she was moving on into an uncertain future, she crossed the clearing to the canisters.

She froze, hand reaching for the lid to the barrel of apples. There, out of the corner of her eye, there was a movement in the shadows. Her heart was now beating wildly, she felt herself struggling to keep her breath under control. Turning her head slowly she saw as the shadows stood up full form, revealing itself to be one of the villagers; a man, about six feet tall. Still eclipsed by shadows she couldn't make out his face and therefore his intent but the fear she felt in that split second took control and she did the only thing she could think of. She ran.

"Hey! Wait!" Came the deep voice behind her. She felt a prickling in her skin as if wanting to submit. The sensation only made her push herself to go faster. "Wait! You-"

She couldn't breathe. Her body burnt, her heart beat so fast it felt as if it would stop at any moment, her vision blurred.

She felt herself fall, saw the ground coming at her fast, but she never felt the impact.

When Kylie woke she was stunned to find that she felt remarkable. Far from the regular feeling of refreshment after a long, comfortable rest, she realized quickly that her body wasn't sore and her skin wasn't burning. Her heart had returned to its regular rhythm and she felt as if her episode of starving in the wild hadn't even happened. She opened her eyes and sat up slowly, taking in the room around her. Before she could fully register the wooden cot she slept on, the gorgeous flowers on the hand carved furniture filling the room, or the warmth of the sun that shone on her through the window, there was a small yelp from the doorway. A child, no more than seven, peered at her through the door as it sat ajar. Before Kylie could smile or let out a simple 'hello' the child had gone off running.

"Papa, papa!" Kylie heard in the distance. "She's up! Papa, come!"

Panic shot through Kylie and she burst out of the bed ready to bolt. Except as she stood she found herself staring at her reflection in the mirror and realized two things instantly. One; someone had changed her clothing. She was now wearing hand made cotton clothing so comfortable it felt like a second skin. A light brown long sleeve top, cut off under her ribs and exposing her midriff, and a dark brown skirt that clung to her hips yet flowed beautifully down to her ankles. Two; her skin was clear. As she stared at her exposed stomach and saw not a single mark, no torn skin, no smears of blood, she was rooted to the spot in disbelief. Tears stung her eyes and threatened to spill so she shut them quickly and kept them shut hard. Kylie refused to move, her hand hovered over her skin yet she couldn't bring herself to touch it. What sort of cruel dream is this?

As absorbed as she was in the rejection of what she saw in the mirror Kylie didn't hear the door creak as it opened the rest of the way. Nor did she pay any attention to the sound of gentle steps as someone entered the cabin.

"It is real, m'lady." Came a voice a few paces from her side, deep and gentle as it rumbled words of reassurance. "Your ailment is gone."

Her hand moved forward with a mind of its own, closing the gap and feeling her skin for the first time. The instant it touched the fingers dug it, as if clinging on in fear of the plaques popping up at any second. Feeling the soft skin under her palm Kylie cracked her eyes open to peer in the mirror once more. It was there… right there. Her reflection held not a single mark, no scars, no pain, and at that her dam burst. Kylie felt her legs give out beneath her and as she landed on her knees, weeping unabashedly.

By the time Kylie calmed the day had progressed considerably. The sun turned orange and pink as it peered through the trees of the surrounding forest and the wind grew cool. The breeze touched Kylie's cheek as it gently blew through the open windows of the cabin and helped bring her back to her surroundings. She had already accepted a damp cloth and was washing her surely battered looking face by the time she realized who had handed it to her.

A man sat on the floor behind her, arms around her shoulders, holding her in a strong unyielding embrace. Coming from a strange man in a strange place such a hold would have – should have – felt terrifying and yet she felt it more as a comforting gesture instead of threatening. Has he been here the whole time?

She looked up at his face through her swollen weary eyes and found him smiling softly down at her. He must have been passing his forties; his face held laugh lines and a few odd wrinkles, his chocolate hair revealed silver glints in the sunlight. Yet his features still held the strength and stubbornness of youth in his strong jaw and his fierce green eyes. He held the aura of a man of experience and could see in the smiles he offered her that he had not been jaded by it.

"You must have been plagued by this illness for quite some time." He commented, making no judgment on how intently she was studying his face or staring in his eyes. For that she was grateful. For all of it, she was grateful.

"Am I dead?" Her voice was hoarse from crying. "I was running and… my heart. Now my skin is…" She still couldn't say the words. "Am I dead?"

She felt the rumble through his chest as he chuckled at her question, the vibration feeling so sweet. "No, m'lady. You are not dead. Almost but you came to your senses and thought better of it."

"It was you, wasn't it? The one by the barrels." He nodded easily. "I'm sorry I was taking your food. I don't have a very easy explanation for you. I have no way to repay you."

"Think naught of it. I saw you your previous trips to our stores." Kylie was shocked and embarrassed.

"You knew and still let me go? Why?"

"It was evident you were in need, why punish the hungry? I thought you would have approached us if you were in dyer need but you never did."

"I've been alone… I wasn't sure if- I…" She couldn't find the words.

"I understand, m'lady. I saw you growing frail. It is why I was waiting for you that night. To invite you to dine with us." Kylie's face flushed with embarrassment.

"That night? How long have I been out?"

"Neigh a week, m'lady. Our healers worked for days to bring you back."

Kylie was silent for a time, stunned by the realization of just how close to death she had been. "Thank you," she said softly. "my skin… quite some time is right. My whole life… How?"

"In truth, I'm not certain. Perhaps our medicines used to rejuvenate your body worked against your ailment."

"I thought you'd see my skin and turn me away." Kylie confessed. "Or hurt me. Thinking I would make you all sick."

"Worry not, m'lady. It's over now."

"Why do you keep calling me that? 'M'lady'."

"You're a Priestess of Ancient Descent, are you not? You came through the Ring of the Chosen, same as those before you. Admittedly it has been quite some time since any have come through the Ring. In all my years I have only read about such old traditions."

"I guess in a way I am... Back home there are a few people descended from the Ancients and I am one of them. Very very distantly descended. How do you know about the Ancients?"

"We here are all direct descendants of Ancients and the Shamans that would occasionally be sent through the Ring in search of safety or a place to complete their spiritual journey."

"So this is another sanctuary built by the Ancients?"

"Another? You mean there are more?" His expression was a confusing mixture of pleased and perturbed.

"Sorry, yes, well... one, actually. That we've encountered, at least. Or used to know, in any case. They were discovered by a friend of mine and shortly after they all Ascended. I never had the chance to meet them, unfortunately."

That had obviously peaked the man's interest. "Ascension… they are fortunate. We have gone many generations without a successful ascension and it is still our daily struggle. Much information about it has been lost and what does remain is muddled up in fables. Do you know much of it?"

"I do, yes. I decided to devote my life to spiritual matters, coincidentally. But it's the first I've heard of this place. Unfortunately I wasn't given much of a choice in participating in this particular tradition." She backed up somewhat to get a better look at the man's face. "My people never had anything to do with this. We were helping some others that had lost their home to the Wraith and… they were the ones that sent me here. I have to get back, my people will be worried." If they're alive… but then why didn't they come for me…

"You have been here many months. Why have they not come?"

"I – I don't know. There was this…" Kylie stopped herself and pulled back out of the man's arms, moving to stand. She had barely gotten up onto her knees when he had already stood and offered a hand to help her up, which she accepted cautiously. "I'm sorry. I've been going on like this all day and I don't even know your name."

"I am Ewan, the Spiritual Channel of the village. It is my mission to help those in the village reach Ascension as it has been of those that came before me and will be my children's after mine."

Ewan bent and pressed a soft kiss atop her hand, leaving Kylie captivated by the rush such a simple gesture shot through her body. Must be all those months without a single touch…

"My name is Kylie. I'm a… spiritual counselor to my people." She did her best to sum up her life in a neat tidy title as she doubted he would be familiar with the term 'yoga'.

"Kylie." He seemed to purr in his deep voice. She knew she was only hurting herself with any thoughts on how, if she were to close her eyes and hear him speak like that again, she could almost mistake it for Ronon. "Welcome to my home."

The two weeks flew by at an almost ridiculous pace. After being given the first night to get used to her surroundings (and being in her own skin!) she started fresh with a load of questions. Mainly, 'how have you been avoiding detection from the Wraith?' and 'what the hell is in that medicine you gave me?' Both of which were answered quickly and easily.

Like the other Ancient sanctuary Sheppard had stumbled upon, this one had a thoroughly impenetrable shield covering their home. Unlike the other Ancient sanctuary, this one had no time shift and it was just as easy to leave as it was to enter. In fact, Kylie had done this completely unaware. The gate sat on the edge of the shields perimeter and only those of true Ancient descent (the ATA gene, of course) could walk through it. Anything attempting to force itself through would be destroyed.

The medicine they had been giving Kylie was a root used for cases in need of rejuvenation and was much like Earth's coffee or the electrolytes in Gatorade, only far more potent. It was surreal to Kylie that something so familiar and every day (three times a day, actually) to the villagers had such a profound effect on her life. Kylie realized it was the perfect ally for a weak immune system. It looked like a ginger root, tasted like turmeric and garlic, and smelled like oranges. She was so happy on the day they showed her their harvested stock and the new growth that she actually gave a sloppy peck to every one of the farmers and healers responsible. She tried not to notice the pleasure she felt when Ewan's peck intentionally lingered into 'kiss' territory.

Ewan gave her a job within their community; her old title, spiritual counselor. He had surprised her one evening by requesting she continue her 'spiritual quest' by aiding the other villagers and teaching them what she knew. By the end of the week each villager was meditating every morning and all the kids were gleefully joining her in her daily yoga.

Nights were simple and pleasant. Feeling out of place, alone in her cabin, as the other families tucked in their little ones and retired to the comfort of their partner, Kylie began making it a habit to walk the perimeter of the village and enjoy the silence. She would walk until she couldn't, at which point she would lay down and watch the sky. She soaked in the marvel of the nights sky when there were no skyscrapers, no light pollution, and no hundreds of satellites blocking the view. Every star, planet, galaxy, every single life out before her shone in the most dazzling way. Which one is Atlantis…

It didn't take long for Ewan to start joining Kylie on her nightly walks. He would ask about Ascension, about her home, friends, family. They would talk for hours about their lives and their dreams. How two people could quite literally be from different worlds and still have so much in common was far beyond Kylie's comprehension. And she didn't mind it one bit.

Long before she had been there even a month Kylie could easily confess that Ewan was beginning to catch her eye. The love in his eyes when he spoke about his long deceased caught Kylie's sympathy but watching him with his son and helping the others in the village, that caught her heart. Ewan was a simple man, a devoted man, and when he moved building a new cabin or helping in the fields he was a man of power.

There was no way to help it, she was drawn in like a moth to a flame.

 _I did a quick read through to edit but if I missed anything please let me know! Or if something doesn't make sense. Thank you!_


	8. Chapter 8

The creak of the cabin door seemed to echo on forever. The footsteps seemed louder than a gunshot. Kylie held her breath and covered her ears. _Don't be a fool. Don't be a fool._

~~ 2 Days Prior ~~

Ewan seemed distant and agitated, two things that were distinctly out of place for anyone ever in the little village. Yet Kylie was the only one to notice. Evidently the recent death of one of the elders weighed more heavily on him than he let on.

As night fell and the villagers retreated to their homes Kylie made the decision to venture to Ewan's cabin, the largest building in the village and closest to the edge of the forest. It wouldn't be the first of their nightly visits although it was the first time Kylie had ever thought to go to his home. Why have I never done this before? She thought, completely bewildered as to how she could have been there over three months already and not once even glanced in the direction of Ewan's home.

The silence following her knock felt almost suffocating. Suddenly it felt like a very bad idea to have approached Ewan's house, whether it was through genuine concern or not. Something felt very wrong, not for the first time since Kylie had joined the village, but for the life of her she just couldn't put her finger on it. She whipped around and scanned the edge of the forest and the streets of the village but there was no threat she could see. _So why is my hair standing on end…_

Kylie nearly jumped out of her skin when a hand clasped her shoulder tightly. She spun around and found Ewan behind her with a none too pleased expression.

"I've told you never to approach my home. None but the Spiritual Channel may enter this sacred site and as none have ever tried I'm unsure as to the severity of punishment. I would not recommend doing so again." Ewan's usual deep warmth was gone and his tone left Kylie shivering. It was evident he expected her to simply turn around and leave and he grew agitated when she instead decided to speak.

"Well, I'm like co-Channel, aren't I?" She said with a laugh as she tried to lighten the mood. Yet she knew the moment she finished speaking she had only worsened it.

"How dare you suggest such a thing? You're a Spiritual Mouthpiece you're nothing but a Guide. Spiritual Channel is a sacred bloodline and a calling. You are not fit to enter here, now I suggest you retire." He released his bruising grip on her shoulder and she felt an overwhelming sensation throughout her body to simply turn and do as he said. _Oh fuck that, no way in hell am I letting that happen._

"A Spiritual Mouthpiece?! I'm not fit to enter a fucking cabin in the woods?! What, are there some rugs in there I shouldn't touch or your fucking altar will burn my eyes out? You think you can be a spiritual guru because you have the biggest house in town? You're an idiot!"

"I said – go home. Retire. Now."

Again the sensation wrapped around her and tried to drag her back to her house like an invisible rope but she fought passed it with a shiver that shook her whole body.

"NO! You can enter me perfectly fine but I can't even look inside your home?! Are you hiding something?" She stuttered a bit on her words. "Or do you think I'm trying to replace your wife?"

Ewan took a deep breath and unclenched his fists. "Kylie, dear…" His voice had lost the frosty edge but only so much that it sounded to Kylie as if he were mocking her. "You seem tired after your long day. Did you drink your root tea after your evening meal?"

Thrown by this sudden change in tone but touched by what seemed like concern for her wellbeing she softened as well.

"Only a sip, actually. I tripped and spilt the rest." Ewan chuckled and pulled her into a warm embrace. "Really, Ewan… I know how hard you're trying to follow the path of your Ancestors. I know how much it means to you to figure out Ascension. But being concerned over material things is the complete opposite direction of that. Picture Ascension as fireflies through the night sky, they're light and warm and free. Tie a house to that and see how well it flies. Sure, you have the biggest house here and I'm sure you have a great set up in there for your meditations and other practices but all you need is yourself."

"I will… take that into account, my dear." He gave her a firm kiss on her forehead. "Now please… retire. I will join you tomorrow for the morning meal."

"I don't think my appetite will wait for tomorrow." She purred as she pushed him back against the door and dragged her hands down his body, untying the band of his pants. "I need a little something before bed, I think."

She enjoyed the look of reverence on his face as she sank to her knees and took him in her mouth.

That night her dreams swirled out of control. Visions of Atlantis overtook her in warped ways as she saw different versions of the deaths of her friends and colleagues. She was being bombarded by visions of people's heads bursting from the pressure of the whales song while the Wraith ran through the halls of Atlantis sucking the life from those unable to fight back. She seemed to hover through the rooms searching for something. It wasn't until she saw a crumpled mass in the middle of a wrecked training room that she knew she had been searching for Ronon. Not even the loudest scream could escape her, not a single sound would come out, and no matter how hard she moved she couldn't get any closer to him.

Ronon lay bleeding face down on the training mats and Kylie couldn't get any closer to touch him. "RONON!" She'd scream but still nothing happened. Still floating up above the room immovable and unnoticed she watched as a Wraith Queen marched up to Ronon's body and flipped him over. Kylie noticed Ronon's eyes fluttering and realized he was still conscious and then watched in horror as instead of feeding on Ronon the Queen slit his throat, slowly, as Ronon thrashed beneath her.

Kylie tore out of bed swinging, tears pouring down her face, knocking over the small wooden table in the center of the room in the midst of her struggle with the remnants of her dream. The vision of Ronon as his movements ceased and blood pooled around him struck her mind full force and the wave of nausea hit her even harder. She burst through the front door and fell to her knees just in time for the vomit to force its way out. Shaking, coughing, panting, she stayed as she was til her breathing slowed and her body calmed. Tears fell silently as the panic of the dream was replaced by shame.

 _I've been in this village only a few weeks and I haven't even thought of them once. How could I have forgotten them like that?_

After a time she moved to head back inside when a light on the edge of the forest caught her eye. I know the villagers routine inside and out, nobody has ever been out in the middle of the night before. She was immediately on guard, sneaking towards the forest to follow the torch and grabbing a shovel off her neighbours garden gate as a defensive weapon just in case. Following the torch light was easy as they had no idea Kylie was there and obviously had no fear of being caught. They made no attempt to be quiet, either, as if they thought a rockslide could land in the center of town and it wouldn't wake a soul. They didn't go far into the woods, in fact Kylie was shocked to find herself back near her old cave. But what shocked her even more was the abundance of food growing from the bushes where previously there hadn't been a morsel. She watched as the figure set down the torch and began picking every last piece of food in the area. Confusion and fury controlled her actions now and she stepped out into the light of the torch, causing the figure to jump and drop the basket.

"Kylie!" Squeaked a prepubescent voice. "How are you awake?"

"Ilijah?" She stepped closer to Ewan's son. "What do you mean how." She demanded. "What the hell is going on here? I was out here starving for weeks, I never saw any of this."

"The flowers, they – they only produce berries at night. You were always asleep."

"WHAT." She roared. "ARE. You. Saying..." Her words grew quieter as she spoke but the fury was growing as a sinking feeling took root in her gut. Ilijah shrunk back as Kylie subconsciously brandished the shovel with barely contained anger and confusion. She didn't know what to make of Ilijah as they hadn't had much contact in all the time Kylie had been in the village. Which was odd, now that she really thought about it, considering she was romantically involved with his father. Her thoughts must have played out on her face because Ilijah began fidgeting with his feet as he spoke.

"I couldn't bring myself to talk to you. I was scared I would give something away in front of Father. I'm not like him, I…" A scared look overtook him, tears filled his eyes. "I don't want this."

"Ilijah. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." She put down the shovel and stood slowly, hands up, showing she would not hurt him.

"He had me picking the fruit any time it grew so you would be hungry enough to venture into the village." Her breath lodged in her throat. "He's been lying to you."

Her throat tightened and she choked out her words. "You and I, we can find a way out of here. You don't have to stay. We can find a way to get to my friends, they'll be able to help."

Ilijah let out a heavy sigh and refused to look at Kylie. When he spoke his voice was small and heavy with shame.

"Your friends… they're already here."

 _Again, I only did a quick read through to edit so if you spot anything I missed please let me know! I'm already working on the next chapter but I'd love some reviews! Should I have drawn out the village piece more? Put more detail and more experiences? Maybe I'm rushing cause I'm hyped to get back to Ronon lol_


	9. Chapter 9

Ilijah had explained it all that night.

Ewan's family had been the Spiritual Channel of the village for generations, that much was true. The Spiritual Channel used to be a messenger between the Ancients in Atlantis and the other settlers.

"The reason behind it all," Ilijah continued. "Has become quite confusing over time. Who can say now how much of what we know is fact and what has become muddled through the years."

The sanctuary was a testing base for Ancients to experiment in guiding other races to Ascension or looking for a way of expanding the Ancient gene to find more to fight the Wraith. It wasn't clear.

What was clear was that the Channel was the middleman that helped the word along that Ascension was the ultimate escape from the Wraith terror. Other planets were asked for their spiritually inclined and in doing so the Ancients would get more test subjects and more information on Wraith activity across the galaxy. And then it had all stopped thousands of years ago. The village had no word and were cut off from Atlantis. The village had to fend for themselves.

But after a few years the settlers become restless and the Spiritual Channel panicked. He altered the shield exactly as Ewan has said; only those of Ancient descent could cross the shield. Everyone else was trapped inside. The Channel at the time had even gone so far as to remove the dialing device from the gate and hide it away in his cabin.

"Wait –" Kylie interrupted. "Your father can dial the gate?"

"Yes." Ilijah admitted. "Ours is the only bloodline of direct descent from the Ancients and our ancestors built the Channels cabin connected to Ancient machines. Father can dial as well as observe the Ring from home."

"But the village is so small. How have you been able to survive 10 000 years without everyone dying of inbreeding?"

"Our ancestors were cut off from Atlantis but not from the others. Over the generations other planets still sent us their Shamans, their Priestesses. Though it is true our numbers used to be much greater…"

Kylie's stomach turned and she felt dizzy.

"You said my friends were here. How could they have made it through the shield? They aren't all –"

"The shield broke very long ago."

"But then the people –"

"The root. It's the root…" Ilijah whispered. Kylie's blood ran cold and her hands flew to touch the skin of her exposed midriff. "It leaves you utterly compliant, in a constant state of euphoria, and you sleep like the dead. Ours is the only blood line immune to its effects. It was a medicine used for the violent or possessed but our ancestors began using it on the villagers out of fear once the shield was no longer an option. By then, though the danger seemed to have passed, the Channel had become obsessed with Ascending. The same is true of my father…"

"But –" Kylie's fingers curled into her flesh almost painfully in a will to make this all a lie. She knew it was selfish but she couldn't help herself. "My skin…"

"An unforeseen side effect." Replied Ilijah. "Father covered the food you were stealing in doses of the root to make it easier to convince you to stay in our village."

Kylie thought back to the night she'd been caught and recalled the compulsion to 'stop' when Ewan told her to. She was so passed upset that she felt hollow.

"Why would he want me to stay?" She spoke in barely more than a whisper.

"Those of the old worlds have either lost their traditions or been wiped out. No one comes through the Ring anymore." Kylie's stomach lurched. "At least, at first… but since you have begun sharing your practices Father is now convinced you are the key to his Ascension."

When Kylie didn't make to move or speak Ilijah pressed on.

"By the time you were given the first dose it was evident your body absorbed it differently." He continued. "You go though it faster than the others and it takes stronger doses to have any effect. I – I think it's why Father likes you so much… you're the only other that won't give him full control. You're not a tirelessly content puppet. It's also why Father has me picking the berries. He says you're unpredictable enough as it is he didn't want you finding something to question. The root makes you compliant to any demand but it doesn't make you forget."

Kylie took a deep breath and stood from her crouched stance, the position only serving as a reminder of her actions with Ewan a few hours prior.

"I must go. I can't take longer than the norm." Ilijah moved to pick up the basket of berries.

"Where are my friends being held?" Kylie spit out suddenly.

"In the cabin." He turned to leave. "It's not as it seems, I know that well enough. You can even cast doubt on the walls themselves." And like that he was gone.

Catching a glimpse of a lightening sky overhead Kylie followed his lead and snuck back into her cabin.

Kylie formed a plan in an instant, thinking that it would be best to keep it simple and straight forward. She need only go so far as to let the team out of their prison and then it was easy to get through one man. _Right? It's not like he has an arsenal in there. Does he?_ In truth Kylie was hesitating because there was so much she was clueless about. Who knows what Ancient weapons Ewan had stashed away in there? Was it really just one man, after all? If the entire village was compliant, how far would they go to follow his every order? And what of her friends? What if they had been fed the root as well, what if she opened the door and they refused to leave?

So many things she wished she could ask Ilijah only now that was impossible. Especially since Ewan now came to join her every evening for the meal and root tea, she had no choice but to drink it. By the time she fell asleep not even a rocket ship taking off from her bed would have woken her. But Kylie drew confidence from the knowledge that if she could fight through three doses a day, drinking the one at night should be no problem. There was also the hope that knowing she was being influenced would help her fight it.

It seemed fate and time were on her side, passing only two days before Kylie found her moment. Midday, after the noon meal, one of the cows went into labour and required Ewan's full attention. She ignored the physical discomfort and nausea that came from ignoring Ewan's suggestion of tending to the garden and headed straight for his cabin, slipping inside quickly. Her feeling of something being off magnified by a hundred as soon as she set foot inside.

 _For such a big cabin it sure feels pretty cramped in here._

It looked like the other cabins except on a slightly grander scale. Carpets, furniture, fire place, all much more luxurious than the home of anyone else in the village. There were mirrors and tapestries all around the walls and a desk piled high with books on Ascension and Ancient technology. Ewan's room and Ilijah's room were practically bare in comparison to the rest of the cabin.

She looked everywhere, desperate for any hint of real Ancient tech but came up empty. There must have been a lever somewhere to open some sort of dungeon, where else could her friends be?

There's not even a closet to stuff them in. Unless Ilijah had been lying… But –

There was the shuffle of feet walking up to the cabin and her heart slammed to a stop, she felt like she was boiling even in the shade of the cabin. Why does it have to come to this? If Kylie were to be caught before she had opened the prison then there was absolutely no hope for her or anyone else. But what other reason could there be for her to be here? The footsteps seemed to Kylie's nerves as louder than a gunshot. Kylie held her breath and covered her ears. _Don't be a fool. Don't be a fool. You need to risk really being compliant if it means getting out of here._

 _Compliant but barely_ she reminded herself. _I'm already known for being 'unpredictable' so give him a good dose of unpredictable! Sneak back in later to let them out._

She grabbed the flowers out of the nearest vase and quickly tore off the petals, making a pile on the table. She pulled her skirt down so it fit more snug on her hips and fluffed up her breasts, tucking her hair over one shoulder, leaving the side of her neck facing the door exposed. She grabbed more flowers and moved slowly to make a show of taking the petals off the stems. The creak of the cabin door seemed to echo on forever. When the door swung open in it's entirety she feigned surprise and clutched a hand to her chest.

"What do you think you're doing in here?!" Ewan's voice boomed through the cramped cabin.

"Ewan! What are you doing back so soon?" She spoke lightly and attempted a jovial tone. "You ruined the surprise."

"I thought I told you –" He slammed the door behind him and marched over to her, eying the room around them cautiously, catching his reflection a time or two in the full length mirror hanging beside them with a barely contained smug expression. "What surprise, m'lady?"

"The one you just ruined." She teased. "I thought I'd have more time. I don't know about your animals here but where I come from birth takes a while."

"Nothing but a false start, Kylie." He purred her name in that delicious way he always does. "Now what surprise was so important you had to ignore my wishes, twice, and let yourself into my cabin?"

"Well, I didn't like ignoring your wishes, darling. But you're always working so hard for us all I thought you would enjoy a reprieve after the hours it takes to aid a birth. Although," She set the petals down. "I suppose since the labour was false you won't need all that… release."

"And just what, pray tell, were you planning on doing with these?" Ewan asked softly in his deep rolling voice. He joined her at the table barely a hairs breath away and picked up the petals, drawing lazy shapes with them over the skin of her breasts.

Kylie let out a sigh and held onto his waist. "Well, I was going to lay them across the bed and lay myself across the petals and be ready for you when you walked through the door. There may have been more to it but I can't think straight when you're doing that." They chuckled together warmly.

Though confusion flooded Kylie she refused to let it show on her face. Regardless of what Ilijah claimed as Ewan's motivations she had been the one to initiate a physical relationship. To Kylie's memory he had not once used the roots compliancy to obtain sex and any time she said no or asked to stop he did so respectfully. No… Ewan had seduced her another way. He had seduced her emotionally. Pushed her to the point where she was so enraptured by the man before her her body couldn't help but follow where her heart had begun to wander.

He's been so tender and the sex has been surreal. How can he be so terrible? She understood it to be the reality of the situation but still couldn't fathom how all of that could reside in one man.

She couldn't make sense of it. But still she had no qualms in using their physical intimacy as a cover for her real intension behind her presence in his cabin. Have great sex today, pull off a successful rescue mission tomorrow. Seemed reasonable to her. Afterall, if Ewan really was as cunning and manipulative as Ilijah made it seem the only way around that was going nice and steady. There could be no room for suspicion.

"All the better." Ewan breathed against her skin as he nuzzled her neck. "I far more enjoy the gifts I open myself." He pulled her into a searing kiss before turning her around and pinning her back to him, grinding himself slowly into her ass. "Don't you find the anticipation of the unveiling heightens the experience for you?" He whispered into her ears before reaching into her top and pulling it down, exposing her breasts, which peaked as the fresh air hit her nipples. She moaned as he roughly grabbed and rolled the peaks between his fingers. She tilted her head further sideways, inviting him to kiss and bite along her neck and shoulders. An invitation he accepted enthusiastically. She pressed backwards against him already in need of that sweet friction.

"Touch yourself." He commanded, as his hand moved away from her breasts and made it's way down into her skirt. She obliged happily and began kneading her breasts with both hands as he rubbed his fingers across her clit. He let out that low lustful growl of approval she always enjoyed and her eyes fluttered shut. She didn't notice that he angled them to face one of the mirrors head on. He worked her clit furiously and as he saw her growing close to climax he exclaimed, "LOOK." Ewan forced her head straight on to the mirror though her eyes were still shut. "Open your eyes, I want you to watch yourself as I make you cum." Kylie's eyes shot open without hesitation just as Ewan's fingers coaxed out a mind numbing orgasm.

"Tell me you love me." Came Ewan's breathy command.

"I love you." Came Kylie's instant reply. And she felt it instantly, the bitterness that followed the lie. They had never claimed to love each other before though they had made comments about care and trust (ha!) It was the first time Ewan had ever used complacency to really command anything from her. Definitely a first when it came to affection. Kylie felt at a loss but had to pretend nothing was amiss.

"No." He said urgently as he smoothed back her hair and cupped her face with both hands. "No, tell me you really love me." He shone with desperation and it magnified the lines adorning his face. Kylie's heart wrenched in genuine concern for the man before her, so obviously confused and lonely, having never heard a sincere incompliant word in his life. She wished she could give him that and, under different circumstances, she would have gladly. She hesitated before she spoke already feeling that uncomfortable sensation that came with going against one of his suggestions.

"I really love you." She held eye contact hoping that he would overlook her hesitation and believe her but she grew worried when a pained expression surfaced. He clenched his hands into fists, pulling her hair in the process.

"No, no, no." He muttered under his breath. "TELL ME YOU LOVE ME." He bellowed within an inch from her face.

"I love you! I do, I love you, Ewan." She begged her heart to stop racing and remember the euphoric reaction of the root that went along with the complacency. She forced the tremble from her voice and offered a small smile. "Truly."

He hit her with a punishing kiss, one with enough force that if he hadn't had a painful grip on her hair would have knocked her back in shock. He let out a pained cry as he released her and ripped her skirt off.

"Brace your hands against the mirror." She did as she was told, her heart racing. She had really felt the compulsion that time. She watched his reflection as he moved about behind her, studying her from every angle with a mad look in his eye. "Open your legs wide." Came another command. She fought the compulsion but her feet followed his orders regardless. His hands grabbed her hips and her stomach dropped. Never before had he used the roots effects for sex and his hands on her now made her want to vomit. She was so ill at the thought of what was happening she could practically feel the mirror vibrating under the palms. Kylie glanced up at his reflection to see his eyes were shut just as tight as his aching grip on her hips.

"Tell me you love me." He commanded again, still with his eyes shut tight. Pushing passed the discomfort and nausea she refused the compulsion and refused to let him do this – to either of them. Quick as she could Kylie grabbed the now empty vase sitting idly on the table beside them, whipped around, and brought it crashing down on his head.

"Oh Ewan…" she dropped the broken vase next to his unconscious body and redressed quickly, putting her skirt back on and tucking her breasts back into her shirt. She studied her reflection in the mirror quickly and found herself looking quite disheveled with hair in every direction, swollen lips, bites, and bruises. Choking back a sob she rested her forehead against the cool of the glass.

Except that the glass wasn't cool, it was warm and pulsing. Confused, she pulled back and nearly tripped over the table leg, catching the corner to keep herself from falling her hand landed on the pile of petals. She picked one up and studied it, a thought suddenly occurring to her.

The petals look sharp and yet they're soft as a feather… What was it Ilijah said? 'The cabin… it's not as it seems.'

Her head jerked back up and she placed her palms against the glass feeling the heat once more. There must be some sort of tech on the other side! Are the mirrors concealing doors? She put her ear to the glass to hear that whirring or beeping sound of tech and was greeted instead with pulsing vibrations. In no particular pattern, so it couldn't have been from a device.

Skimming the sides of the mirrors lead nowhere, there were no levers, switches, latches, or anything that might reveal any secrets. She leaned against the tapestry in the effort of looking around the room but was jabbed in the side by something protruding the wall.

 _Of course! You're so thick, Kylie… Like sweeping the dirt under the rug, it's so obvious._

Pulling back the tapestry was the greatest moment in months. The sight of all those flashing lights and knobs, all the technology that was so familiar and just screamed 'home at Atlantis' was finally right there in front of her.

Kylie hazard a guess and flipped one of the switches. The mirror on the furthest side of the room revealed it's contents… causing Kylie to nearly reveal her lunch. The body of the elder that had died a week or so previous was propped up in some sort of stasis pod, an incision on her forehead showing the signs that Ewan had quite literally picked her brain about something. She turned away, turning that one back off.

She flipped the next and revealed what seemed to be some kind of Ancient switch board. Perhaps the way to dial the gate? Except she didn't know much about what she was looking at, she needed to focus on freeing the team and hope Rodney was in there with them.

The third mirror revealed a doorway which, Kylie realized as she poked her head inside, was a secret office and could in no way lead her to her friends.

She hit the switch for the fourth and final mirror.

Kylie wasn't sure if she was to jump for joy or dig herself an early grave. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move, and didn't know what she was supposed to do. She brought a hand up to her throat as if it could shield her body away from prying eyes but only felt more exposed than ever.

The vibrations behind the mirror hadn't been the movements of technology. Not even close. They had been Ronon's fists as he beat his fists soundlessly against the other side of the glass.

When Ronon realized Kylie was actually holding his gaze and not staring at a reflection he turned his head and seemed to say something, never taking his eyes off her. A split second later Sheppard, Teyla, and Rodney appeared around him.

 _They're here. All of them._ She thought weakly. Followed by… **They're here. All of them.**

Her stomach lurched before she could stop herself and she ran, emptying her stomach contents into the corner of the room. She was shaking with shame and fury that they had been there the whole time and had seen everything. That Ronon had been there the whole time. That Ronon had seen everything. Keeping her eyes downward she moved back to the console under the tapestry in attempts to find how to remove the force field that kept them contained in their prison.

Through some trial and error there was finally an audible whoosh of air as their confinement opened. Except in her decision to not look at them, she didn't see their warning moments before she opened the door. As she took a triumphant step back, Kylie stepped straight into the arms of Ewan.

"STAY BACK." He yelled, his voice frantic. Something sharp was jabbing Kylie in the side of the neck and she was too petrified to try and glimpse what it was. "I'll do it, I will." Ronon's body jerked forward slightly and Ewan, twitchy with desperation, sunk the needle into Kylie's neck. Kylie knew immediately what he had done and as Ewan tossed the empty syringe to the side she looked back at him cautiously.

"You've always been a difficult one, Kylie. But not even you can fight a dose this size." He noticed the teams attempt at a stealthy attacked but halted them saying, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. I have your friends here under my total control. Observe. Kylie – hop on one foot." Kylie hopped on one foot, perfectly happy to do so, until he told her to stop. He said, holding up one of the side arms he had removed from the Atlantis team and offering it to her. "Now. Shoo–"

"NO! Papa, stop this!" Ilijah dove for Kylie to remove the gun from her hand, to remove the possibility of following through any order his father might give, but Ewan blocked his path and knocked him back with all his might. Ilijah, the frail boy he was, went flying from his fathers force and slammed his head against the stone of the fire place. He landed, lifeless, in a heap on the floor.

"Stupid boy…" Ewan whispered, tears falling freely. But he had become obsessed and not even this would distract him now. Kylie stood completely oblivious to her surroundings feeling so cheerful she might start humming at any moment. All voices around her seemed distant as if spoken through a thick fog. All voices save for Ewan's. "Kylie. Shoot them. Now."

"Ewan you don't have to do this. You can stop this." Came Sheppard's voice through the fog.

"Don't kill us. I mean, uh, why? Why kill us? You obviously have the means to control us, why kill us now and not before? I'm sure we can work something out." Rodney babbled away, voice cracking with tension, confusing Kylie. Until -

"This is wrong and you know it. Think of Kylie, how will she feel after she kills her friends. We were never here to harm you. This is wrong, Ewan." Came Teyla's voice through the fog.

"Wrong? What's wrong, Teyla?" Asked Kylie as she pointed the gun at McKay. She sounded as if someone had asked a simple 'have you seen my pen?' She even offered Teyla a friendly smile as her gun wavered and pointed at Sheppard.

"Kylie. Kylie listen to me." Ronon's voice cut through the fog and brought tears to Kylie's eyes. She looked demented standing there, gun drawn, a smile on her face, and tears flowing fast from unfocused eyes.

"Ronon…" She whispered.

"NO." Came another through the fog. "Kylie, that's enough, shoot them."

She felt her finger begin to squeeze the trigger.

"Kylie." Ronon roared in urgency. "Listen to me, hear _my_ voice, not his."

"I thought you were dead." Came another broken whisper.

"I thought… there's no time for that now. No, Kylie. Listen to me. Do not shoot. Put the gun down. We're here to take you home."

Another urgent roar, but this time more demented, more desperate, from closer to Kylie's side. "Shoot them ALL. NOW, Kylie or I'll do it myself."

Kylie felt the compulsion. She so longed to give it to that invisible string that guided her actions along. It hurt every inch of her body and soul to go against the pull, it felt like her brain was on fire. Her whole body began to shake from the effort of resisting the pull. _But it'll feel so good to go with the flow_ her body told her. _I thought they were dead. If I do this, they really will be._ Voiced her rational mind.

She shook, she strained, she must have looked like a possessed porcelain doll as her perfectly calm face emitted a cry of pure agony. She pushed through the blinding pain. And her finger pulsed on the trigger.

Ewan fell to the floor, blood gushing out of the bullet hole in his throat.

And yet, though Ewan lay dying, the compulsion insisted. _Kill them all_ he had said. And her body would not let her forget that order.

"Kylie, it's over, what are you doing?" Came McKay's panic through the ever thickening fog.

Again she shook, she strained, she pushed, and yet her hand would not release the trigger.

 _If they try to pry this away from me, someone surely will die…_

So it was easily decided. She commanded herself, commanded her body, _if you really have to shoot someone…_

Another POP sounded out and Kylie collapsed on the floor.

 _Hey everyone! I feel like this was a really big chapter for me and I gave it my all. I debated so many different ways to go about it. I would really appreciated some feedback! Thank you so much for reading!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi everyone! So this ones a bit long in the flashback style. And I was going to keep going but I figured it would be better to cut off and continue on later. Both my kids are sick and Im completely exhausted so I apologize but I have no done any serious editing. A quick run through at best. If you happen to notice any completely ridiculous mistake, please feel free to let me know and I'll be very grateful! Reviews would be appreciated, too. :)**

 _The world felt limitless, hardly more than a wisp of a sensation; a consciousness, weightless. Except for the ache that never ceased, that spread out in every direction with no form of relief. The world existed as such for longer than time itself, if time was indeed passing at all for here there was no concept of time. Until the day came when the ache began to grow._

Ronon couldn't sleep. Again. After years on the run and sleeping on the ground he still had nights where he found that the buzz of the city of Atlantis set his nerves on edge. He left his quarters in search of something, anything, to clear his mind and relax his nerves. Heading for the gym would be useless at this time of night. Roaming the halls without purpose only made him restless.

The people of Atlantis awake at this hour were few and they worked barely above a whisper. The nurses on duty sat with their faces pinched in an effort to not fall asleep. The lab techs squinted especially hard at their screens as their exhausted eyes began to fail them. Which made the loud crash from the kitchens all the more out of place. Normally Ronon would steer clear of the kitchens, he had no reason to be there; only mess staff were cleared to touch the food due to supplies having to feed so many people. Restlessness feeding his curiosity he wandered through the dimly lit mess hall and into the kitchen.

The vision that awaited him was one he'd never forget despite the fact that it wasn't anything very memorable. A woman clad in fuzzy looking pants adorned with several animalistic green faces and wearing a plain black tee was on the floor on her hands and knees facing away from him. Her long thick messy braid swayed across her back as she busily scrubbed the floor.

"No elements in the rooms…" He heard her mutter furiously. "Safety hazard, my ass! We're a freakin' floating city…" She growled softly. "Whole place is a freakin' safety hazard."

She took a deep breath before tossing her rag into the bin across the room. Just when Ronon couldn't be more confused she began to cheer and pretend to bow, thanking her imaginary crowd.

"I thought psych tests were mandatory for new recruits." Ronon asked, deliberately speaking louder than necessary. He smirked at its desired effect, illiciting a squeak and a jump from the woman on the ground. "I take it you're not military."

"Well, how would you know? That's how I do it, of course. I'm all clutzy and awkward to fool you and lure you in. Then – WHAM. When you least expect it I get even more clutzy and awkward." The set up on the kitchen counter, which Ronon had only just noticed, smelt incredible. Chocolate and warm spices wafted through the air from the steaming pot that sat there. The woman followed his gaze and went to the pot, stirring its contents with one hand and closing the lid to containers surrounding with the other. He eyed the ingredients curiously.

"You're not supposed to be in here."

"Says the man _also_ not supposed to be in here." She grabbed two cups off the shelf and divided the contents of the first. Jumping up onto the counter top she beckoned him over, holding out a cup for him. "It's all my own stuff, I promise. I'm not much of a raider."

Still he eyed the cup being offered so she put the cup down and nudged it toward him, returning to a comfortable position before taking a leisurely, satisfying sip from her own. She sat there in silence, eyes closed, letting the warmth from the cup seep into her palms.

When she made no move other than to sip her beverage Ronon stepped forward and claimed the cup. The first sniff was pure chocolate, the second held the warmth of a spice that reminded him of home. Relaxing into the feelings of familiarity brought about he leant back against the counter and brought the cup to his lips. Eying the woman out of the corner of his vision, seeing her relaxed and nursing her drink, he took a sip of his own.

And immediately started sputtering, trying not to spit it out completely.

A faint giggle sounded from his right and he looked over at the woman that was now radiant with amusement, eyebrows quirked expectantly.

Swallowing down another cough Ronon took a large drink and cleared his throat. "I, uh – I wasn't expecting that."

She pulled out a small bottle from her pocket and tossed it to him. "The beauty of spiced rum…" she said as he inspected the picture of what appeared to be a pirate captain with a smug expression.

"This is…"

"Hot chocolate. You've never had hot chocolate?"

"Not like this. We had something similar to it on… but it was more bitter." He finished the rest with a hearty chug, spilling some down his chin in the process. "It's good." He admitted, setting the cup down. "What else is in it?"

"Cayenne pepper. My aunt showed me how to make it. I always have it when I can't sleep."

"Have that problem a lot?" The personal probe was not exactly subtle.

"Who needs that mandatory psych test when you're here, eh." She stared at him til he raised his hands in disinterest. "First night in a new place is always tricky. Doesn't help that this place never shuts up. It's more irritating than when the fridge kickstarts in the middle of the night."

"No idea what that means. But I won't lie and say you'll get used to it."

She jumped down from the counter and took their cups to the sink, his eyes being immediately drawn once again to the face on her pants. "What exactly is that thing?"

Her confusion turned to amusement when she followed his gaze. "It's the Grinch. A character from a kids story. My friend got it for me for Yule a couple weeks ago. It's basically… _the spirit of the season_ _isn't about materialism but it sure is one hell of a perk._ You'd… you'd need to see it for yourself, I guess."

There was a pause in which the woman shifted awkwardly, seeming unsure for the first time in their encounter. For a reason beyond Ronon, seeing her uncomfortable felt very out of place so he kept the conversation moving.

"Yule?" He asked.

"It's the winter equinox on Earth. People call it different things but it's all mainly the same. Lights, feasts, love, and all that jazz."

"Ah, yeah… Critmas, right?"

" _Christmas_ , yeah, that's one." She smiled. "I take it they did some sort of celebration here, too?"

"It was mainly Lt. Sheppards doing, I think." She chuckled softly as she finished drying the cups. Picking up her small bag of ingredients she turned to Ronon and gave his arm a friendly squeeze.

"Thanks for the company, Ronon. I hope you manage some sleep afterall."

"I didn't – "

"You didn't need to introduce yourself, a lot of woman here did that well enough for you. Few men, too! You were practically in the _Intro. To Atlantis_ packet."

He didn't know what to make of that. He'd been in Atlantis barely a year and in that time hadn't been very social. Then again he couldn't pretend he never noticed the appreciative stares he'd receive time and again.

 _How much does she know?_ He wondered, not very keen on the idea that a stranger could know so much about him.

"I'm Kylie." Her voice was soft and bright as it brought him out of his thoughts. He observed her, albeit a tad shrewdly, and accepted the hand she held out in greeting. Their hands met in an ordinary handshake but the sensation was no ordinary reaction.

Kylie felt her hand tingle and her cheeks begin the flush, still she fought to ignore it and kept her gaze on him steady. Ronon noticed her reaction, as open and honest as it was, and would have pulled a satisfied smirk if it hadn't been for his own… difficulties. Her hand in his, although in a firm handshake, felt soft and smooth. The strength of her touch burned through his veins and he felt a pull he hadn't felt since…

He dropped the handshake quickly and left for his quarters. Ronon didn't know who she was or what she did here. But he ignored the kitchens from then on.

 _The ache twitched suddenly one day in a form that was almost familiar. A hand? Were these fingers? A pressure was beginning to build in every directions, in a sensation like a thick fog trapped in a small balloon, expanding til it was fit to burst. It was uncomfortable. It felt suffocating, even. There were deep rumbling sounds from somewhere off in the distance. It was a terrifying and uncertain existence._

Ignoring the kitchens did the trick for a week or so, out of sight out of mind and all. Until the day Kylie was no longer out of sight. She was right there, in the middle of the sparring mat, walking between the four people on their hands and knees. She was gently making adjustments to their position and one man, some tech guy Ronon recognized from the labs, jumped as she pulled his hips back slightly.

"You need to keep your wrists in line with your shoulders. Your knees aligned with your hips. When you move, move your core only, not your limbs." She announced softly before returning to the front of the room and assuming the same position as the others. She demonstrated how to roll back and up to standing, slowly drawing her spine up straight and letting out a long steady breath.

By the time she opened her eyes she saw three of them had already put their shoes back on and were out the door.

"You really shouldn't rush out of position like that!" She called after them to no effect. "Fine, whatever. Hurt yourself all over again." She muttered as she bent for her bottle of water trying to ignore the comments they were making with no attempt at discretion.

"I hope Carson doesn't make me do that again." Said one.

"Can't believe that was even a requirement." Said another. "Like touching my toes will get me ready for active duty!"

"Such a waste of time." Chimed in the third.

Ronon seemed to be glued at the door studying the way she composed herself. Her posture was strong yet she seemed exhausted. As occupied as she was she jumped when the lab tech straggling behind cleared his throat to catch her attention before impatiently waving a paper in her face.

She gave a curt, "No." before picking up her things and making for the door. Ronon ducked back out into the hall and watched them pass.

"Oh come on! I was here! I have better things to be doing than your glorified stretching. Just sign the damn form!" The mans voice was low but aggressive and on edge. Ronon couldn't stop his feet from trailing behind them as he saw Kylie's shoulders tense at the mans proximity. Again the paper was being brandished aggressively in her face as she made her way towards the mess hall. With an irritated growl she ripped the paper from his hand and spun on her heel, blocking him from entering the mess with her.

"Dr Beckett referred you to me to try another approach at treating your _sudden_ _sciatica_ and keep you from the pain pills. Here's a little something not so top secret – he things you're faking it to get the drugs. And after what I've seen I'm inclined to agree with him. You barely even tried in there and you've been nothing but twitchy." He made a grab for his paper but she kept it from him. "Either come back at 19H and be ready to put your heart into it or I'll be sure to tell Carson not to give you anything stronger than an Advil." She tucked the paper into her pocket and headed straight for the food line.

The mess hall had its regular lunch crowd and not many gave the two any notice. Ronon, however, they gave a respectful distance and a curt nod as they passed around him at the halls entrance. The chatter throughout the crowd was calm and cheerful, falling into a comfortable hum of background noise.

Ronon shook his head, bringing himself to his senses. _What am I doing following her here?_ He thought. The place was full of military personnel and the regular lab tech crew. Why was he so on edge? _What was I thinking?_ He let himself be absorbed by the crowd, finding Teyla and John among the throng of people he and joining them, immediately picking food off of John's plate.

"It's polite to at least say _hello_ first." John said, earning a grunt and a delayed smirk from Ronon before he picked off more food. "You could go get your own, you know." John slapped at yet another approach of Ronon's hand. Ronon peered up over John's head to survey the line, his eyes immediately drawn to Kylie. He scowled.

Kylie had her back to the tech. The tech, however, was leaning into her, speaking into her ear. Whatever he said had him drawing back with a smug expression as Kylie spun to face him.

"Why else do you think you're here?" He yelled in her face. His voice broke over the gentle hum of the lunch crowd drawing stares.

A wave of emotion flashed across Kylie's face as she stood stunned. Then her eyes burned, her fingers twitched, and before the tech could get the smug look off his face she had lashed out and slapped him – hard. The force of it had him tripping over his feet until the stumbled over a chair and fell to the ground with a dramatic crash.

The hum of the mess hall was gone, replaced with an almost total silence as all eyes fell on Kylie and the man clumsily untangling himself from the chair. Kylie's face flushed hot from the sudden attention.

" _N-no ticket_." She quoted, choking out a nervous laugh and exiting the hall, the hum of laughter and conversation returning and the moment was passed over just as quickly. Ronon watched the woman leave barely registering John's explanation of _Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade_.

Elizabeth Weir was every bit as gentle and kind as she looked. Which is why it was so disconcerting when she was upset. And downright scary when she was full on mad.

Being officially reprimanded for the first time, Kylie couldn't help but feel ashamed under Dr Weir's disapproving stare as she paced the room.

"Dr Allen is our leading historian, Kylie. His research and input are invaluable to this expedition. Frankly I'm shocked by your actions. But…" Dr Weir took her seat behind the desk. "We can't be hasty in judgments. Now, Dr Allen is threatening to suspend his work until you've been officially served some sort of punishment. But I'd like to hear your side of it first."

There was a tense silence between the women.

"Dr Weir, what am I really doing here." Kylie's voice was quiet yet firm.

"You assaulted –"

"I mean here on Atlantis." Another silence sat heavy between them as Elizabeth's expression fell and became unreadable. "Have you ever heard of les Filles du Roi?" She pressed on without waiting for a reply. "When the British crossed the ocean and began taking over Native land on what's now Canada there weren't always many takers. And due to disease and the climate and the Natives fighting back, some of the ones already there weren't too keen on staying. So the Royals put up a big ' _Free Wives'_ poster and started shipping over thirteen year old girls. Basically using them to get the men to work and their wombs as an easy bake oven for a new generation of colonials."

Kylie paused to let that information sink in, waiting for a sign to continue.

"That's very interesting but what does this have to do with your situation?"

"Allen called me a Filles du Roi. I've never been slandered historically before… I think he didn't expect me to know what it was. But once I called him on it he elaborated. Said I'm only here because I have the ATA gene. That my position was made up to get me here and cover up the attempt of making this a legitimate clain as a settlement and not just an expedition. Basically, he called me a 'womb for rent' to spawn a new ATA generation to Atlantis and… and that he called _first dibs_."

Dr Weir's reaction was cut off by a distressed Dr Beckett popping through the office door. Without taking a breather or excusing his interruption he moved straight to Kylie's side.

"I'm so sorry, deary, are you alright? I really didn't think he was in a bad enough way to act like that." He put a hand on her shoulder, concern clear in his eyes, and turned to Dr Weir. "It's my fault, I should have been more strict when I started to question Dr Allen's dependency on the pain killers. I just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, get a second opinion, find another way to ease his pain." He turned back to Kylie. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Carson, it's not your fault. Please don't beat yourself up over it." She gave him a tender smile before sending a serious look towards Elizabeth. "But I shouldn't have slapped him. It's not like I was in a life threatening situation… so my act of violence is inexcusable."

Elizabeth's patient and somewhat confused expression turned professional in an instant.

"Carson, why don't you take a seat and tell me exactly what is going on here. Kylie…" She sighed and offered a short smile. "You're excused, Kylie."

 _Suddenly the world shifted. As the deep rumbles sounded off in the distance they quickly became louder, closer, and it offered the sensation of spinning on a top as it fell through the sky. It was dizzying beyond belief; there was nothing to keep a steady gaze on and keep the nausea at bay. The ache became so prominent, feeling solid and steady, trying to grab hold of something – anything. Just to make the spinning stop. The ache flexed, to no effect. The ache flexed harder, vomit choking back the cry of exertion as it did so._

 _A deep rumble broke through and echoed around the fog, "She moved her hand!"_

 _More broke through as the spinning quickened, the vomit still choking any attempt at a sound. "She's convulsing!"_

 _"No, she's not, she's choking. Help me turn her!"_

 _And again, the world shifted._

It hadn't been long since that turning point in Kylie's life in Atlantis, after the exchange with Ronon in the gym. Two, three months tops. She had found her rhythm, made some friends, brain and brawn alike. There was a flow to her life that had never existed for her on Earth. And silently she cursed herself for getting too comfortable seeing as how now all of that was over.

There were Ancients – real Ancients! – back in Atlantis and their first order of business, understandably so, had been to kick them all out. Which sucked, no matter how understandable it was.

Kylie felt a great swell of panic after Sheppard had dropped by to give her the order to pack up as quickly as possible. The halls were occupied in a solemn frenzy as everyone swiftly carried the order out. But Kylie had shut her door to lock the frenzy out, packed her things back into her ridiculously stuffed hikers pack, and just… sat on her bed.

Her panic became paralyzing and she found herself sitting there until the suddenness of her door opening made her jump. A grim Teyla and a hesitant Ronon walked in.

"Teyla. Ronon. What brings you here?"

"Kylie." Teyla smiled at the woman and they shared knowing, equally dismal smiles. "It is nearly time to go through the gate. Did you have any trouble packing?"

"The gate? Already?" Kylie gaped. "Damn, how long have I been sitting here…" She muttered to herself.

"We came to say our farewells, my friend." Teyla continued. Ronon remained silent, taking an interest in scanning her empty room. "Are you well?"

"Teyla… I'm really not. I can't bring myself to get up, actually." Teyla sat beside Kylie on the bed and put a hand on her shoulder in a show of comfort and support.

"That's all your stuff? One bag?" Ronon broke out, sounding thoroughly irritated, earning a stare from Teyla.

"I don't need much." She turned back to Teyla. "Have they found your people a nice home? They deserve it, they should be somewhere they can prosper. I've so loved knowing you all."

Teyla smiled, eyes shimmering slightly. "Thank you, my friend. It's well enough under such a hurried move. I'm sure in time we will be most comfortable there."

Kylie studied Teyla's face as if it were the last time she'd ever see her. As it _would_ be the last time. She then gave Ronon the same hard look, which he returned just as fervently, his eyes taking in every detail.

"I don't want to go." Kylie's voice broke. "I know none of us do but…" She turned back to Teyla as the woman took her hands and held them tight. "I'm not military, it's not like I'll have anything to do with the Stargate once this is over. They'd wipe my mind if they could. Which, thinking about it, they probably can. But… I have nothing there."

"You have safety there." Ronon said forcefully. "You wouldn't have the Wraith back on Earth."

Before she knew it she had jumped up and was in Ronon's face, angry tears welling up in her eyes. "At least with the Wraith I can see my enemy! I can point and shoot! I can do _something_. The people of Earth kill their own damned planet and pay absolutely no attention to what they're doing while they argue over trivial matters and spend their time trying to make laws governing anybody different from themselves." She stepped back from Ronon, her face falling and betraying just how broken and panicked she truly felt. "It's suffocating. Knowing I'd never be able to leave again? That you – that, um… that all of _this_ is out here and I'll never see it again? Going back feels like a death sentence."

"You should know, of course, that you're welcome to come with us." Teyla's voice cut through the emotional haze Kylie had been falling into.

"Trust me, I'd much rather be with you. But they'd never let me stay."

"No, you're right… you're _not_ military." Ronon stated with a grunt before abruptly turning and heading out the door, leaving behind a confused Teyla and a hurting Kylie.

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure what that was about." Teyla offered cordially. "Perhaps I should go talk to him. I'll see you at the gate, Kylie. It is not yet goodbye." Teyla gave Kylie a comforting squeeze and followed after Ronon, leaving Kylie alone to calm her thoughts.

Large storage containers were stacked here and there down hallways and in offices. Personnel not packing equipment or taking final inventory could be found carrying their personal belongings or saying their goodbyes. For how fast paced and urgent the activity was the energy felt tired and tense.

Even through the flurry of movement in the halls Teyla was able to find Ronon quickly. She made to speak to him but as she approached found him already speaking with Weir and Sheppard.

"But it's a direct military order, _everyone_ needs to return to Earth." Sheppard stated.

"She's not military, she –" Ronon started.

"But she _is_ employed by the military." Weir interjected. "And we can't afford to leave anyone behind that could be a potential security risk. What if she were found out by an enemy of ours and they pressed her for information?"

"I believe Ronon and myself hold more knowledge of Atlantis and Earth's involvement than Kylie does at this point." Teyla mentioned.

"Well… She's never been privy to anything classified. She is just a civilian, after all." Sheppard added thoughtfully after a moment of eying the intensity rolling off Ronon. "I mean, the woman barely remembers Earth's gate address."

"I don't know –" Weir began only to be cut off by Ronon.

"I know at first we were all skeptical of her job here but, admit it – shes helped a lot more than you thought. She was always right there if anyone needed it." Ronon took a step closer to Weir, turning his back to the other two. His expression softened and his voice grew quiet. "Elizabeth, you didn't see her… she needs this. Please."

Weir paused, taking in the changes in Ronon and the sincerity of his plea. Admittedly, she was touched. She thought back to barely a month prior having caught Ronon and Kylie in the hall after the movie projector broke down. The kind of passion she had witnessed wasn't something to be taken lightly or to be tampered with. Ronon's request had at first been unexpected but she suddenly understood his urgency.

Kylie wasn't a do-or-die asset to Atlantis or the Stargate program, there was little chance she'd be invited back when the time came. But she was for the friends she'd made there. She was to Ronon.

Weir sighed and put a supportive hand on Ronon's shoulder. "I don't know what I'm gonna say when we get back to Earth but… I'll figure something out." She backed up from Ronon and addressed all three of them. "You better get back to packing, we don't have much time left." Weir turned to leaved, "Oh, and someone might want to tell Kylie the change of plan."

At that Ronon took off without a glance back.

But Kylie wasn't in her room. Her bag was gone, too. The gate hadn't yet been activated, it wasn't time yet, but a worry sat in his chest all the same. What if he doesn't find her in time? What if she goes through the gate before he gets to her? Having no luck of reaching her over the earpiece he set out to search for her. The gate room, the labs, the gym, the mess hall, the infirmary, all held absolutely no sign of her. So where…

It suddenly clicked.

 _Of course._ He mentally slapped himself. _It should have been the first place I checked._ And in the blink of an eye he found himself opening the door to the balcony. Relief washed over him at the sight of Kylie laying down, basking in the sunlight, leaning up against her pack.

"About damn time." He said as he moved through the door and sat next to her. Her eyes were closed and her face was tense and he noticed the obvious effort she put into taking long deep breaths. She didn't make a move to acknowledge his presence. "I've been looking for you." He continued, still with no reaction from Kylie. "Are you… are you okay?" This finally received a sigh, Kylie's eyes opening slowly against the glare of the sun.

"I'm just trying to memorize this air. It's so light and clean… Compared to Earth, I… I'm just going to miss it. There's… there's a lot of things I'm going to miss. People." She looked at Ronon feeling miserable and was surprised to find him smiling. "What –"

"Come with me." The regret was evident in her eyes as she tried to find the way to remind him that she couldn't. Ronon barely missed a beat in telling her the news. "I've already talked to Weir. You're cleared, you don't have to go back to Earth with the others." And just like that she was glowing. Glowing so fiercely no one would ever have guessed she'd ever been sad.

"You – you…" Her throat constricted and nothing could break the smile on her face. It took a moment for Ronon to realize he was wearing the same toothy grin, mirroring Kylie's joy. He nodded in response.

"John and Teyla helped."

And like that she was flinging herself onto him, launching herself at him from her reclined position. She wrapped her arms around him, laughing almost hysterically as she reigned kisses upon his cheek in between fervent thank-you's. When she pulled back, which was only so far due to Ronon's iron grip around her waist, she found herself out of breath.

"Thank you."


	11. Chapter 11

**I've been dealing with a lot of crap recently. I'm a single mom and about to go back to school but even still my psoriasis will not give me a break. I wish! I'm in a rut where writing is difficult but emotionally necessary and very relevant. So I apologize if the flow of the writing is off and monotonous or if it just plain sucks. I'm feeling blocked in narration at the moment so please excuse the enormous amounts of talking. I'm still pushing, though, despite it all. I'd love some reviews, please! Constructive criticism is very welcome, I could really use it.**

Nearly two weeks later and the new Athosian settlement was looking wonderful. The huts had been built and were being treated to some homey touches now that the families had officially moved in. The land was cleared and seeds were sown. Everyone had more or less explored the lay of the land and everything was nearly complete. Which meant Kylie wouldn't have nearly as many opportunities to avoid Ronon.

Since they had left Atlantis they've all been tending to their duties, readying the village well before they had to fortify it for their winter season. The length and severity of which they weren't quite sure on this new planet, therefore time would be paramount to readying themselves for the worst possible weather. Kylie cleared land, built stocks, tended to the animals, mended materials. Ronon had aided in the building as well but for the most part had been out with hunting parties scouring and plotting the land. Exhaustion kept them from having seldom more than moments of idle conversation and as that present reality slowly melted into the past so Kylie's anxiety came full force.

Kylie was tending to the animals, distracted by her own worries, when a cheer burst out all around her causing her to shriek and drop her pail (and the witnessing Athosians to laugh). She wandered out of the stables towards the commotion. The sun hit her, warm and inviting, and she closed her eyes and sighed. There was enough time in the season to gain a new harvest from some of the plants they'd transfered from Atlantis and for a few new take root. But still a chill began to cling to the wind despite the warmth of the sun.

The air held the smell of pine and freshly turned soil, the wind cooled her skin as it grew hot from the sun in it's mantle of a cloudless sky. The chatter in the distance fell to the background and Kylie listened to the sound of the trees blowing in the wind surrounding the settlement and the birds chirping merrily. She couldn't help but smile as she noted the distinct lack of that technological hum or the constant windrush noise of cars driving in the distance. In the quiet, she felt herself drift into a lull of contentment.

"You seem to be adjusting nicely to the Athosian way of life." Teyla broke Kylie out of her reverie but Kylie couldn't find it in her to be bothered by the interruption.

"Your people are so welcoming it'd be difficult not to."

"You have been accepting of our ways and eager to help us when we were cast from our home. We are happy to count you as a friend." Teyla clasped Kylie's shoulder with a heartfelt smile.

"So, uh-" Kylie coughed through the emotion she felt tightening her throat. "What's all the commotion about?"

"The last family has their dwelling and the last of the crops is in the ground. We have finished, at last." A sad smile fell on Teyla's face.

"Seems bittersweet." Kylie said, putting words to Teyla's expression. "You miss Atlantis."

"Yes. Yes, I miss Atlantis."

"And it's people? Am I wrong in thinking, maybe, one in particular?" She asked softly. Teyla didn't answer. "If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thank you, my friend. But tonight we will celebrate the completion of our new home, and-" She shot Kylie a teasing glance. "I've known Ronon to get quite mischeivious at gatherings."

At the mention of Ronon, Kylie froze, her chest constricting with anxiety once more.

"Kylie? What's wrong?" She saw a flush envelope Kylie's skin. "Talk to me."

"I - I... I don't know what to do, Teyla." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I've had plenty of one night stands, I've been with men I couldn't even carry on a conversation with, but I'm terrified of being with Ronon. Because... 'cause..."

"Because your affection for him is genuine." Teyla finished for her. Kylie nodded fervently, panic evident on her features.

"Oh damn, it is! It really is. But I've tried to be with men I like before and they all left once they saw... me. The real me. And Ronon put himself out there getting me here from Atlantis, what will he think of me once he knows? That I played him? I don't... What I feel with Ronon is more intense than anything I've ever felt, I don't think I can handle him leaving with much dignity."

"Ronon is different, Kylie. Surely you know this, otherwise you would not feel so strongly. You need to trust him."

"I do!" She hesitated. "When I'm with him, I trust him. When I'm not with him, the anxiety takes over and I get so nervous I want to bury my head in the sand. I'm caught between never wanting to leave his side and never wanting to go near him again."

"Ronon is a strong man, if only because of how much he cares. And it is quite obvious he cares for you. No matter how things go, I have no doubt that that will stay true. He would not leave you in shame." Teyla put her arm around Kylie's shoulders and lead her towards the center of the village. "Now, lets go celebrate." Around them people prepped the food and the fires. Torches were lit as the sun began it's quick descent behind the tree line.

It didn't take long for Kylie to catch the Athosians good spirits and her conversation with Teyla to be pushed from her mind. Dark fell quickly as everyone pitched in to prepare their communal feast. Their steady pace and enthusiastic chatter cut short as everyone found themselves seated together; full place in one hand, ale in the other. There was silence as Teyla stood to say a few words in toast to their new home and to the strength of the Athosian people. An elder then stood and lead a moment of meditation in a blessing of their land and bidding love to their Earth friends, who had shared in their sorrow of losing Atlantis.

The moment, though bittersweet, was quickly followed by good food, entertaining conversation, and merriment. The older Athosians took care to teach her their respectful greetings and toasts; their support in her numerous attempts to memorize it all warmed Kylie deeply. The younger Athosians taught her traditional songs of celebration though it was through the elders, eyes full of mirth, that she learned the young ones had not been entirely honest about the words meanings. She flushed and laughed in spite of herself. A deep laugh came from behind her sending shivers throughout her body and immediately drawing her full attention. Kylie turned to find that Teyla had been absolutely right about Ronon and gatherings. He stood there, ale in hand, looking downright Puck-ish as the firelight danced across his features. It was a vision that struck her still until a realization struck her harder.

"It was you!" The accusation only served to make Ronon's smirk grow.

"Hmm?" He feigned, "I thought that was a brave confession. I never thought you'd be the type to plow a field drunk and naked. Don't take it back now." She got up and marched the few feet towards him, prodding him none too gently in the chest.

"You put them up to that, didn't you!" Many things had rushed to her head in that moment. The ale she had drunk since she first sat. The boundless energy of the festivities surrounding them. The teasing eyes of Ronon's as he glanced at her over the edge of his cup. The heat radiating off him and his intoxicating smell that drew her in closer. Teyla's words from their earlier conversation hit the hardest. And like that, her mind had made itself up long before she knew what was happening. "Such lyrics... Disappointing, really."

Ronon's eyebrow quirked, whether to the drop in her voice or the statement, or both, it was anyones guess. _Did it really matter at this point?_ Her seat at the table had long since been filled and the party swelled around them without taking notice of the two, they were now in a world all their own. "Of all the things I could be doing naked, that's the best you could come up with?"

 _Here we go._ She held her breath, carefully watching him as his hand tensed around his ale.

"I might have a few other ideas." Came Ronon's reply, his voice coarse.

 _Don't look back._ She pushed herself forward.

"Feel like sharing?" His body tensed as she took a step forward, taunting him into action. "I mean, unless you're not up to the task." She shot him an innocent smirk as his nostrils flared and he dropped his cup carelessly on a nearby table, grabbing her hand and leading her away towards the darkened wood.

As she let herself be lead to that spot, close enough to see the dimmed firelight yet far enough away to not be seen, a heated debate ran through her mind. _Do I tell him before and let him decide? Or just wait til he sees it and potentially have him reject me while stark ass naked?_ Her heart thudded heavy in her chest as the time of truth drew near. _At least with the latter he might get me off before he realizes._ She thought, before quickly chastising herself for thinking that way. _But at least I'd have a moment with him before -_

She felt her back hit a tree and a hand on her face. Kylie had been so wrapped up in her thoughts she hadn't noticed Ronon stop nor seen the hungry look on his face. But as now she was face to face with him it was very hard to miss. His thumb tugged on her lower lip as he pressed his body into hers, sending electric shocks through every nerve of every part of her, the sensation of which had her reeling. He pulled her lip down with his thumb before crashing down with nothing less than a full on attack, the kiss immediately at full blaze the moment tongue met tongue. Both of them quickly panting, made breathless simply by the culmination of so many times it had been put off. Ronon gripped her hips and rolled against her, the pure ecstacy of feeling herself trapped between the tree and the rock hard Ronon more than she could handle at the moment. She broke the kiss to let a moan escape into the wood around them. Ronon took advantage of the position to lay seige to her neck, sucking and nipping his way down to her shoulder, Kylie wrapping herself around him in response, her hand plunging into his locks and holding tight, her body acting of it's own volition and curving into him.

She was feeling lightheaded, her body floating right along with it. And it was then she felt the inevitable tug of the hem of her shirt and fought against that chill that threatened to freeze her stiff.

 _Tell him._ It screamed in her head. _Before it's too late and you have to apologize WHILE you dress yourself. Again._ The warmth of his hand touched her bare skin and the urgency rose. _DO IT._

"Ronon..." she moaned. She couldn't help it. How do you speak seriously when you're so turned out you're about to combust? "There's something..." Then it happened. Instead of his hand raising to lift her shirt, it dropped passed the waist of her pants and kept going. "Oh shit..." Were the only words she could manage as the warmth of his hand found the deeper warmth of herself. Kylie fought to keep herself breathing as Ronon let out a growl, fingers working hard on the muscles that clenched around them. She bucked against his hand as he worked fast and furious, panting and groaning as she lost herself against him. Writhing, all else forgotten, she moved to ride his fingers, rubbing and rolling her hands over the breasts as she did so.

"Ronon.." she was breathless as he picked up the pace.

"Fuck, Kylie..." She heard, barely above a whisper. She cracked her eyes open and saw the intensity with which he watched her. She bit her lip hard in effort to keep her eyes open and locked onto his and she felt herself drop closer to the edge, his hand now slamming into her as she touched herself. "That's it, cum for me Kylie." She felt it coming, felt the sweet release about to hit, and so grabbed Ronon and pulled him forward, letting the waves take her over as their lips crashed together.

Kylie's world was shaking. She felt thoroughly rattled, through and through, til she practically felt the tree vibrate as well. The sensation of which set her off giggling. She stared at Ronon, having thought she heard a whisper through the sound of her own laughter but found he was watching her. Then again came a soft voice yet Ronon's lips didn't move.

"Ronon?" He simply stared at her with the same heat as before, running his fingers through her hair and over her body. But again she swore she heard his voice, louder still.

"...beautiful." She barely heard it and worry began to surface as he made no move to react to the voice, simply moved his hands almost in an effort to memorize her in her afterglow. When Ronon's voice came again she watched his lips careful and was this time positive he wasn't speaking.

"You were so beautiful." A ringing hit her ears, beeping and static along with it, overwhelming her senses. As she fell and clutched her hands over her ears she only just registered Ronon's physical absence and the way the wood around her began to glow.

"You _are_ beautiful, Kylie. I'm so sorry. Please." Ronon's voice echoed all around the forest.

"Ronon?" Kylie spoke and yet her throat felt dried out and hoarse, she coughed and grimaced at the attempt to use her own voice. "Ronon?" She tried again, louder, through the discomfort of a voice that hadn't been used in eons.

"Kylie?! That's it Kylie, open your eyes!"

"Wha-?" She realized her eyes were clenched shut. When had she closed her eyes? She moved to open them but they felt like they weighed two tons. _Why is this so difficult?_

"Come on, Kylie, come on."

She finally managed to crack them open only to be blinded by a white light. Pulling her arms up to shield her eyes came with it's own set of problems as she found wires and a tube attached to them.

"WHAT-" Kylie felt her throat tear from the effort of a yell. The panic rising as hands came down to hold her in place, the beeping around them growing louder as wires disconnected in the struggle, blood ran down her arm as the needle ripped from her vein. "LET GO OF ME!" She screamed through her raw, torn throat.

"Kylie! It's me! Calm down, Kylie. It's Ronon, you're safe." The arms once pinning her now embraced her tightly, a hand cradling her head. "It's Ronon, Kylie. Calm down." The warmth of his body soothed her panic as she recognized the feel of his arms. _I should, wasn't I just in them?_ As she calmed in his arms she looked around over her shoulder and saw a hoard of people in white coats being told to stand down, immediately recognizable as the medical staff of Atlantis. _We're home?!_

"Ronon?" She pushed back lightly from his arms to look at his face, which she now saw was exhausted and overwrought with worry. "We're in Atlantis?" All he could do was nod before Jennifer, one of the doctors on staff, came up to check on her and tend to her torn IV.

"Good, you know where you are." She commented with a soft smile.

"Of course I do. But..." She grimaced throught the exertion of her throat.

"Lets get you some water. You should take it easy on the conversation for now." Both Kylie and Ronon gave her an _as if_ look as she turned to get a cup of water.

"How did we get back to Atlantis?" She whispered to Ronon.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Ronon asked, concern evident in his features.

"You and I in the woods..." She couldn't help but flush at the thought. "How are we in Atlantis? Why did the Ancients let us back? Oh shit, was it the Wraith? Are the Athosians okay?"

Ronon looked horrified but tried to mask it quickly as he excused himself for a second and got the doctor. When he came back Ronon was hesitant to approach but took her hand in his and let out a breath.

"So that... in the woods... it happened a lot longer ago than you think."

"I'm sorry... what?" He held up a hand to silence her before she went off.

"There was an incident, you were... hurt. Bad. Very bad. And for a long time you wouldn't wake up. The doc said maybe telling you about your life would wake you up. I thought it wouldn't hurt to try something a little more personal..."

"The woods..." Ronon nodded. "I don't remember anything else. Bits and pieces maybe. I don't understand... Why? Oh great, we finally have sex and I can't remember it." She let out a self depricating laugh but halted when she saw the look on Ronon's face.

"We didn't, uh, didn't have sex."

Kylie was crestfallen. She remembered the events leading up to it, the sensations of the memory Ronon had told her still crisp in her mind. They had been alone in the woods already getting hot n heavy, what could have stopped them from having sex? _Oh..._

She suddenly felt very foolish. She withdrew her hand from his as the realization seeped into her and she fought for dignity and composure. They hadn't had sex because she'd told him. Or he saw. Whichever. And it doesn't matter which at this point. He'd used the memory of it to jolt her awake, and it worked wonderfully, and now she was once again left with the same feeling of rejection that she must have felt that night.

Before either of them could say anything Jennifer had come back with her water. Kylie downed it greedily, wincing at it swept passed the tears in her throat, making them burn. When the cup, still clenched in her fist, was at last empty she sighed and offered Jennifer a small smile of gratitude.

"How are you feeling, Kylie?" Jennifer asked as she began a quick examination; eyes, heart, lungs.

"Besides my throat I feel fine. A little tired, maybe." Kylie answered simply, fighting the urge to glance over at Ronon. Jennifer quickly took that as her cue to check Kylie's throat, _tsk_ ing as she went.

"Well, that screaming didn't do you any favours. Slight bleeding at the moment. You'll feel a little sore but if you take it easy, go slowly, it'll fix itself quickly." Jennifer then threw a cautious glance at Ronon before taking a seat on the edge of Kylie's bed. "Now... Ronon mentioned you have some memory loss. What's the last thing you remember?"

"The Athosian settlement, after the Ancients took back Atlantis. We had just finished building." Came her steady and detached reply, once again avoiding Ronon's eyes, determined to keep her gaze locked on the doctor before her.

"Ronon, could you go get Elizabeth, please?" Jennifer asked, waiting for the Seitedan's departure before turning back to Kylie. Kylie, still determined not to watch him go, found her eyes wandering around the medical bay. "Kylie, I'm afraid between the medications and the length of your coma you're going to have some memory issues. At the moment it's hard to say if it's temporary or... or permanent. It seems as though you've lost roughly four to five months of memory. About two weeks worth we can help you with but the rest... nobody can."

"What do you mean? What happened in four months that nobody can share with me?" Ice began to run through her veins and a chilled her to the core, her entire body began to tremble out of her control. Jennifer rushed to grab an extra blanket off the empty bed next to them and draped it across her.

"This is going to be difficult to hear, Kylie. But know that you have many people here that have been by your side the whole time and aren't going anywhere, alright?" Kylie nodded through the chills that shook her body doing her best to breathe and brace herself for what was to come. "Now Elizabeth can give you the real mission details but... About two weeks after your memory of the Athosian settlement you were back on Atlantis but there was another incident. You were trapped offworld and nobody knew where you were. Took close to five months to find you. When they did you were, um.. you were under the influence of a mind control substance and when ordered to kill Sheppard and his team, you turned the gun on yourself instead. Now, you did undergo surgery and your body healed very quickly but for some reason you just didn't wake up."

Kylie cleared her throat. It sounded like some crazy science fiction novel, she couldn't believe this had all actually happened to her. "How long-" she tried to ask but Jennifer's voice broke over hers first.

"The psychologist suggested maybe part of you... that part of you _didn't want_ to wake up. She suggested everyone tell personal stories to try and get through to you that you have a life here and people that care about you."

Kylie's eyes misted over, the whole thing became overwhelming. She wanted nothing more than to hide away in her room with a calendar and try to piece shit together in peace and solitude. Silence stretched between them, Jennifer not moving a muscle, keeping her hand tucked over Kylie's in a show of support.

"That first time I saw real death and we got drunk on one of the patios." Jennifer smiled in acknowledgement of the memory. "You were just _on staff_ then and here you are as one of the top guns." The fact that she had been giving the other staff and doctors orders after she first woke had not escaped Kylie.

"Very perceptive, Kylie." A sad smile emerged, one that made Kylie's stomach drop.

"I bet Carson had quite a few stories to tell. For the sake of my pride I hope nobody was around when he told them." She proded.

"Actually..." Jennifer started but halted abruptly.

"Where's Carson, Jenn?" She asked softly, dreading the answer but the lack of an immediate reply or reassurance of his safety brought tears to her eyes. "When?"

"A month or so before they found you. There was an explosion in Atlantis. The med bay... I'm sorry Kylie, this is a lot for you to take in so soon after waking. You should be taking it easy."

"I need to get out of this bed." Kylie threw the blankets aside and swung her legs over the edge, an action that caused several members of staff to whip around on high alert.

"Kylie, you can't do that, you haven't used your legs in quite some time. You need to take it slow."

"How long, exactly?"

"Twenty-eight days."

"I need to get out of this bed, Jenn, don't you dare stop me."

"Twenty-eight days, Kylie! Your mom was a nurse, don't you know what that means?" Jennifer rushed to her side and took an arm in an attempt to calm Kylie down enough to get her back in bed.

"After thirty-one days comatose there's no hope of bringing them back. And if you do, brain function would be critically deminished. I know because it's in my living will to not let me go on like that. Good to know how close I came to being put down. Now doc, you know I like you, but I've been sleeping for twenty-eight days and I'd like to get my lazy ass out of bed so help me stand or get the hell out of my way."

An obviously junior member of staff stepped forward and spoke the Jennifer, not sparing a glance for Kylie. "Should we prepare a sedative?"

"Great idea!" Croaked Kylie through her still torn throat. "Lets put me back to sleep and see how long I take to wake up this time." Kylie used what strength she had to shove herself out of Jennifers hands and used the IV stand for support, her legs wobbling beneath her as she attempted a step. "You're a real champ, kid. Maybe think for a second? Ask the patient what they need instead of what's easier for you to deal with? In the last five minutes I've lost a dear friend and half a year of my life excuse me for wanting a change of fucking scenery." She began panting at the exertion of standing and ranting at the same time. Sweat began to form on her brow and her heart began to pound. "Sorry if I'm causing a scene in your serene little hospital. Did you become a doctor because you're a needle happy sociopath or is that just a perk?"

"Kylie -" Jennifer appeared at her side, helping take some of the weight off her feet.

"NO. What I _need_ is my personell file and a pile of mission reports so I can try to piece my shit back together. Not more sleep. Fucking brilliant." Rushed footsteps could be heard coming into the medical bay. "That better be someone with a fucking wheelchair cause I'd rather not drag myself out of here by my fingernails but I will."

"I believe that one." Sheppards voice broke through the tense atmosphere like a whip. All eyes flew towards Sheppard and he simply shrugged. "What? I knew under the crunchy yoga exterior she was spunky. It's always the quiet ones." He explained further to the confused junior medical staff beside them.

Kylie glanced over Jennifer's shoulder and saw the gang of people walking towards them, immediately flooding with relief at the sight of them. "Shep!"

"Ah, you know I hate it when you call me that. Makes me feel like I should be out herding sheep." Still a wide smile broke over his face as he moved to replace Jennifer in holding her up.

"Well, if it fits it fits. You ol' dog, you." She ruffled his hair and swung around for a hug, instead tripped over her own tired feet and ended up hanging from his shoulders.

"Yeah, how about that wheelchair, doc? Sounds like a good idea to me."

"I'd rather she were in bed." Came Jennifer's voice, only to be cut off by another.

"I think we should listen to her at this point in time. Physically, she's healed, yes? Aside from regaining the muscle strength she lost from her time in the coma, of course. We should start to help her progress mentally. She's stated her desire, we should listen and support it." The voice was new to Kylie but she immediately recognized it as a psychologist. _Please don't tell me Heightmeyer died, too._

"I agree. Unless you have any objections doctor." Came Elizabeths voice. A wheelchair had finally been brought and Sheppard gently helped Kylie down into it, Kylie giving him a grateful squeeze as he did so. She watched Jennifer sigh and type something into her medical pad.

"Alright. I'll release her to bed rest and have her vitals monitored from here. But Kylie-" She turned to the now sore and exhausted woman sinking into the surprisingly comfortable wheelchair. "The second you try to overexert yourself you're coming right back here. Take it easy, ask for help if you need it, and I'll be in to check on you and give you your physio schedule. We good?"

"Got it." Kylie threw her a thumbs up and a tired smile before signaling to Sheppard. "Jeeves, take me home, please." But before Sheppard had moved an inch the wheelchair started rolling. Looking back she saw Ronon pushing, eyes locked dead ahead. Before she could think to ease her own tension with a joke she found herself being pushed passed the group of people, each with their own brief comment. It seemed everyone was taking it lightly so as not to overwhelm her. _Too late for that._ she thought.

"I'm glad you're alright," said Elizabeth. "I'll stop by to debrief you later, alright?"

"I knew you'd come back to us, my friend." Said Teyla, with her hand clasping her shoulder briefly in greeting.

"I, uh - Well, I wanted to talk about your experience on the planet, the technology was fascinating, but they said you have no memory so I guess you're pretty useless to me right now." Came Rodney's comment, only to be slapped upside the head by Sheppard. "What I mean to say is, um, welcome back. Of course. Well, wasn't that implied?"

"I'm Dr. Williams," came the voice of reason from earlier. Kylie felt herself surprised at it's owner. For a voice so strong and commanding, one so confident, it came from one that looked so frail. Small in stature, the years evident in the silver flecking her hair and the lines drawn across her bronze skin. She looked like a small wind would knock her over and yet as she shook Kylie's hand in greeting it was obvious she was stronger than she seemed. "I'm the psychologist here. I'll be checking in on you as well, alright?" Kylie felt comfortable in this womans presence the instant she'd spoken and could only nod and give her a soft smile in return.

"I'll bring you those files, you just rest up first." Sheppard called out as they left the med bay. Kylie couldn't bring herself to speak and so simply waved behind her in acknowledgement.

The pace to her quarters was quick and deliberate. Ronon, evidently, was on a mission. Kylie barely had a moment to take in the hustle of Atlantis crew or to return the greetings and well wishes offered by a few familiar faces. Despite her exhaustion at what just took place in the med bay she felt alert with that familiar _flight_ response being triggered by the brick wall that was silently pushing her wheelchair. That brick walls silence crumbled the instant Kylie's door shut behind them.

"What were you thinking doing all that? How could you be so stupid?" Shock overtook Kylie. "You just woke up and you're trying to run off? You could have hurt yourself! What if you popped something or fell and hit your head? Who knows if you'd have woken up again. Do you have _any idea_ -"

"I'm sorry." Came the soft reply, shock still adorning her features. The look on her face was enough to make Ronon stop himself from any further lecture. Instead he sighed, picked her up, and moved to lay her gently on the bed. As he fixed the covers around her she found the nerve to speak again. "Thank you, Ronon. Thanks for waking me up."

"The doctors started saying that there was nothing wrong with you. You just didn't want to wake up." Ronons words were heavy and his eyes hooded as he spoke, and yet the hurt behind them was obvious. "Did he mean that much to you?"

"Who?" The confusion was genuine. "Look, I - I may not remember anything at the moment but... whoever it is you're talking about... You're the one that got me here, Ronon. If someone else were more important that very likely would not have happened." Silence held around them as Kylie tried to think of what else to say but without her memories from the last few months she had nothing to go on. How could she steer a conversation about a relationship she never experienced with a person she didn't remember?

"You know, telling you that story was my last hope. I figured if that didn't work then that was it." He sat down on the bed next to Kylie and ran a hand down his face. "You have no idea what it did to me, telling you all those details, reliving the whole thing while you were practically dead in that hospital bed. And having no idea if it would - if _I'd_ be enough to get you to come back." For the second time that day Kylie realized, looking at Ronon, how foolish she'd been. She'd began to shut out a man that obviously cared, no matter the intention, and cared deeply. The dark bags under his eyes revealed the hours spent sitting beside her bed, the deeper than usual grain to his voice told just how much he'd been there for her. She felt selfish and vain, confusion and skin be damned. What did it matter if he'd rejected her body? This was a man to have in you life always, no matter how. _So long as it's not enemy._ She thought. _Yeah, fuck that. I'd never make it._

"Ronon, I-" but Kylie was cut off by Sheppard letting himself in holding a couple reports. Ronon took the distraction as an opportunity to leave with no more than a squeeze of the hand for Kylie and a nod to Sheppard on his way out the door.

"Was it something I said?"


End file.
